|
FAQs & Features
| The Flaggs FAQ
| Acknowledgements
|
| The 2000 Flaggs | The 2001 Flaggs | The 2002 Flaggs | |
|
 |
|
| TheFlaggs | |
| The 2001 FLAGGS | |
|
|
|
|
|
A Joe Oddessy
|
|
|
|
|
FLAGGS Then, the text explodes. we follow one of the sparks from the explosion
as it falls to Earth. During its fall, it turns into a small meteorite. We see it fall towards southern California, through some clouds untill it reaches a rather large parking lot, filled with HISS tanks, Maulers, AWE- Strikers and ordinary cars. The meteorite hits a Ninja Lightning vehicle, wich promptly explodes. We pan to the building next to the parking lot, a rather fancy and large structure, until we come to the main entrance. An Iron Grenadier and an MP, not unlike Law, open the doors. Inside, we see a large room, not unlike you'd find at the Oscars. The audience is packed with Joes, Cobra troops and fans. The podium is obscured because of a rather huge curtain. The curtain opens up. We see two flights of illuminated stairs at the rear end of the podium, with between them, a flagg that has the GIJOE logo on it, with behind it the red Cobra logo. Below the logos, the text : "The 2001 FLAGGS - A Joe Oddesy" is written . All of a sudden, the theme from the muppet show starts playing. We see a bunch of Crimson Guards come on stage from the left, single file. They start singing..... CGs : It's time to read the comics, CGs : It's time to show the toons, CGs : It's time to play with toys on the FLAGGS show tonight ! A bunch of nameless greenshirts from the toon come on stage from the right, also singing GSs : It's time to see who wins stuff, GSs : It's time to mock ninjas, GSs : It's time to give out prizes on the FLAGGS show tonight ! Crystal Ball and the Fridge are sitting on a balcony Crystal Ball : Why do we always come here, Fridge : I guess we'll never know, Crystal Ball : Nobody really likes us, Both : But we still enjoy the show ! CGs and GSs : And now let's show the ho-ost Audience : Why don't you show the ho-ost CGs and GSs : It's time to show the ho-ost, CGs and GSs : on the most sensational, inspirational, joeytational, Cobratational, CGs and GSs : This is what we call the FLA-AGGS SHOOOOOOW !!!! On that cue, the Crimson Guards and greenshirts dance their way off stage. ANNOUNCER : Ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages, welcome to the second annual FLAGGS awards show, with you special host : COBRA COMMANDER !!!!!! Cobra Commander comes down the left flight of stairs. "Cold Slither" is heard, followed by applause. CC : Yesssss... Welcome fans, Joe team members, Cobra agents and bums we picked up from the street to fill seats ! First of all a big thanks to the Springfield Marching Band and the Fort Wadsworth Chaplain Assistant's motor pool glee club for that wonderfull opening number ! A short applause follows. CC : Now, some of you might be wondering why I'm hosting the show AGAIN this year..... Well, I have a short written statement from Timmer . The Commander takes out a small piece of paper. CC : Ahem.... Timmer wrote : " After the crap I went through last year, I'm not about to get within ten miles of this show.... Tell snakeface he can host it....." So you see, I had little choice but to step in..... ANNOUNCER : Was it a bribe or blackmail this time ? CC : What did you say ? ANNOUNCER : Nothing.... But I have a surprise for you..... Ladies and gentlemen, we are proud to present the CO-HOST for this evening : General Hawk !!! CC : WHAT ? Hawk comes down the right flight of stairs, the opening tune from the first season's toon is heard. A roaring applause follows. HAWK : Hello troops, fans, Cobra.....uhm.... friends.... CC : What are YOU doing here ? HAWK : You really think Timmer was going to let you go solo again ? CC : Uhm.. Yessss ? HAWK : Guess again, besides, this way, I won't end up covered in mashed potatoe again..... CC : You just wait..... HAWK : Anyway, what a Joe year it has been, huh ? CC : You can say that again, a bunch of reissues, a new comic, and a full-blown relaunch next year ! HAWK : Not to mention new online stores, dio stories, artwork and webpages, all devoted to GIJOE ! CC : And Cobra ! Don't forget the most important part ! HAWK : We'll see about THAT later. Anyway, let's get on with it ! CC : Fine.... Here are all the people who voted this year ! A giant screen descends from above, and flickers to life..... Dan Carber John "AngryJohnny" M. Fastdraw KennyD Earl Shelley Prozack Phillip Donnely Skywarp Joe Tages BgDdyPhil Serpentor (Cobraemperor@cobracommand.net) Mike T Redclaw Diana M Dillon Lee Marvlostoys Tung (Tunnelrat) David Portales Paul Jacoby Dzirhan Josh (The Wildman) Troy X General Hawk GI Jane Robert Culpepper Warflight Alec Trevelyan Mike Senger Joystick Marijn Willems Joe Harris Darkhawk Jaegan David thorton Corey Stinson Bullet (Shauna Forrister) Lynx (Brittany Becker) Tim Frankovich (TimElf) Tommy Dye Sleepersports Eugene Ian Macdowin Timmer (yup, like before, I get to vote too....-editor) HAWK : Wow, that's quite a few people more than last year. CC : Yessss....43 people, not bad, not bad. HAWK : Well, the voting forms were bigger and better this year ! CC : Howzabout just bigger ? HAWK : You...... may have a point there..... Crystal Ball (from balcony) : Will you guys get on with it ? CC : Quiet you, or I'll make you sit next to Raptor. HAWK : He's kinda right though.... I saw a few people dozing off. CC : Fine..... Here are the hosts to present the awards in the CARTOON category : Zarana and Mainframe ! "All you need is love" plays as Zarana and Mainframe come down
the stairs. Zarana has a rather annoyed look on her face, while Mainframe looks embarrased. Applause follows. MAINFRAME : Hi there, folks, I'm thrilled to be here ! ZARANA : You would be. You get to stand next to me. Me, I'm not that thrilled. MAINFRAME (whispering) : What ? did I forget a birthday or something ? ZARANA : (Whispering) : You bleedin fool, we gotta keep the pretence up ! MAINFRAME : (Whipsering) : Oh, come on, not a lot of people know we had a thing in the toon. FRIDGE (from balcony) : SPEAK UP ! MAINFRAME :Ahem... Here comes the first award of the evening ! The "Should have gotten an Emmy" award for BEST EPISODE EVER ! (Editor's note, all entries are shown, with the number of votes they got in front of them, then the winner) 1(vote) - Cobrathon 1 - Computer Complications 1 - Jungle Trap 1 - Red Rocket's Glare 1 - Countdown for Zartan 1 - Into your tent I silently creep 1 - Flint's Vacation 2 - Excalibur 2 - Once Upon A Joe 3 - The Viper is coming 3 - Cold Slither 7 - Sink The Montana "umm...umm...Sink the Montana... of course, Grey Hairs and Growing Pains DOES show Lady Jaye without her pants...no, no..Sink the Montana" - Philip Donnely "Sink the Montana: I loved the idea of a disgruntled US Naval Captain joining Cobra to be Admiral of their Navy" - BgDdyPhil "" Cold Slither" Zartan and the Nok's are better rockers than that idiot Vampire Lestat.. the ladies finally get to wear clothing besides their uniforms, and Duke sheepishly admits he's out of touch. A little bit of great characterization, and some jokes at Speilberg and Lucas's expense. What could be better?" - Diana M ( "Sink The Montana, apparantly -editor) ""Into Your Tent I Silently Creep" because just the very idea of >Cross-Country fighting Stormshadow is so absurd that it's fun! " - The Wildman Josh "Zartan in a corset ! WOOHOO!!!" - Lynx (on "Cold Slither" -ed) And from the "I..... Can't...Pick...Just.....One......" pile : "Okay, I'm going to skip all the impossible to answer questions. I'm a raving fanboy, they're all the best..." - Jaegan MAINFRAME : And Sink The Montana wins it ! ZARANA : Well, it WAS a very powerful episode. MAINFRAME : "A sad end for a great lady".... *sniff* ZARANA : Wuss...... Anyway, here's the award no-one votes for.... The "There was a ?" award for best DiC episode ever ! 1 - Revenge of the Pharaos 1 - Night Of The Creepers 1 - Chunnel 1 - The one with Metal Head's mother, Pathfinder parachutes 1 - Escape From Alcatraz 2 - The Greatest Evil (Dis) Honorable mention : There wasn't one/ there was a best ep ? - 20 votes "There was a best Dic Ep ?" - Too many people to list ZARANA : Well...... That was overwhelming..... MAINFRAME : Guess "The Greatest Evil" wins almost by default. ANNOUNCER : Ladies and gentlemen, the FLAGGS commitee is proud to announce that this award will be retired after this year. CRYSTAL BALL (From Balcony) : About time ! MAINFRAME : Lety's put all this negativity behind us with the next...... oh dear..... The "Writers on some FINE crack" award for worst single Sunbow episode ! 1 - Cobra's Fun House 1 - The Million Dollar Medic 1 - Cold Slither 1 - Skeletons In The Closet 1 - Not A Ghost Of A Chance 1 - Once Upon A Joe 1 - GIJOE And The Golden Flees 2 - The Spy Who Rooked me 2 - Iceberg Goes South 2 - Grey Hairs And Growing Pains 2 - Into Your Tent I Will Silently Creep 2 - Rocket's Red Glare 3 - Bazooka Saw A Sea Serpent "Old Soldiers Never Die (Sgt. Savage video, hey it's technically G.I. Joe: RAH!!)" - Phillip Donnely (Judges Rule : Not allowed : ) -ed) ""Ghost of a chance" or whatever. "What you thought you saw, wasn't what you saw.." *Makes "L" sign on forehead. I certainly hope so, because what I THOUGHT I saw was something real stupid. And who the Hell has "Wallpapering parties" in college? Woo hoo, lets get up that wall paper! Heck, sure beats legalized stimulant parties!" - Diana M ""In to your Tent I will Silently Creep". All out Cross Country action...yeah. If I have to suffer Cross Country, I at least want to see him at top a HAVOC, bashing STUNS to scrap!" - Dillon Lee "Bazooka Saw a Sea Serpent still holds it's own. A moron handling a powerful hand cannon in a special operations force just doesn't work for me! " - General Hawk ""cold slither" great, now that song is stuck in my head" - Mike Senger (We're Cold Slither, you'll be joining us soon. Now you have it stuck again ! -ed) ZARANA : Oh yes, Bazooka, GIJOE's Answer to Homer Simpson. MAINFRAME : Oh, Like the Dreadnocks are MENSA members.... ZARANA : Point taken...... The "I just waisted 25 minutes of my life" award for WORST EPISODE EVER ! 1 - The Spy Who Rooked Me 1 - DiC ep With evil Computer 1 - El Dorado (DiC) 1 - Cold Slither 1 - Skeletons In The Closet 1 - The Nozone Conspiracy (????-ed) 1 - Chunnel 2 - Infested Island (DiC) 4 - Kindergarten Commandoes (Dis) Honorable mention - Anything by DiC - 5 votes ZARANA : DiC, not surprisingly, takes the award by a landslide. And Kindergarten Commandoes takes the award two years in a row ! MAINFRAME : Wasn't that the one where Cobra takes over a kindergarten, and get's beaten by toddlers ? ZARANA : Oh, shut up. MAINFRAME : Well, we've laughed at the worst, not let's praise the best ! The "Mini-mini series" award for BEST TWOPARTER ! 3 - The Synthoid Conspiracy 4 - There's No Place Like Springfield 6 - The Traitor 9 - Worlds Without End "A tie between "Synthoid Conspiracy" and "Worlds Without End" - Diana M (Like Last year, whenever somebody gives multiple answers, I pick the first one or the tie-breaker -ed) "The Traitor without a doubt. It gave Dusty a GREAT personality, Cobra was downright menacing and it was a captive 2-parter. It held my interest better than any 'toon I can remember." - General Hawk "Wasn't Worlds Without End a two parter.... I didn't like that one, but i don't remember any others...." - An anonymous comment by Warflight " Haven't seen any... Dude, someone has to send us some episodes!" Bullet and Lynx (Anybody wanna take the hint ? -ed) MAINFRAME : Once again same winner as last year ! ZARANA : This time, "The Traitor" put up a fight though ! MAINFRAME : Keeps it interesting, I guess. The "OK, so now I wasted 50 minutes of my life" award for worst two-parter ! 1 - There's No Place Like Springfield 1 - The greatest Evil (DiC) 1 - Happy Birthday, Rock 'n Roll (DiC) 2 - Victory at Volcania 2 - The Synthoid Conspiracy 3 - Worlds Without End 4 - Captives of Cobra "WORLDS W/O END!!! I cried & cried!!!" - Paul Jacoby (those skeletons weren't dead.... Just sleeping..yeah. -ed) "Tough call...all two-parters were generally very well done and thought out. I would say probably Captives of Cobra. There was some good insight into the Joes' families, but something about Spirit's 75 year old relatives shooting Rattlers out of the sky just rubs me the wrong way." - General Hawk "- Worlds Without End!!! Didn't they wake up, and find it was all a dream, but now they were in a HELL universe run by DiC?" - Warflight "Worlds Without End. I'm sure I'm the only vote for this one again" - Joystick (You'd be quite surprised -ed) ZARANA : It came down to the LAST BALLOT COUNTED, folks ! MAINFRAME : Yeah, and what an upset it would have been, WWE winning both best and worst two-parter. ZARANA : It's that Joystick boy..... He inspired the revolt ! MAINFRAME : Now we bring out the big guns ! The "Good enough to be a movie" award for BEST MINISERIES ! 1 - GIJoe - The Movie 1 - Operation Dragonfire 4 - The Pyramid of Darkness 6 - Revenge Of Cobra 8 - Arise, Serpentor, Arise 10 - The MASS Device MAINFRAME : The first is STILL the best, two years running ! ZARANA : It didn't get the landslide it did last year though. MAINFRAME : Well, we praised them, now let's tear them apart ! The "Should have been an Alan Smitthee movie" award for WORST miniseries. 1 - The MASS Device 1 - Revenge Of Cobra 2 - GIJoe The Movie 3 - Arise, Serpentor, Arise 5 - Piramid of Darkness 8 - Operation Dragonfire "I liked them all to much to consider on worse, but if I had to pick it would be G.I. Joe II, based soley on the fact that I dont remember much about it, even after reading the summary." - Earl Shelley (Obscured to death...Ouch -ed) ""Arise Serpentor, Arise" First off, it sounds like either a Porno, or a breakfast cereal. Second, I can't get over anyone thinking Sgt. Slaughter is a great military mind." - Diana M "The WORST mini series would have to be one of my favorites.... Fatal Fluffies! You could see where it was just BAD writing, but loved it anyway.... (hmmm... anyone got that one on tape somewhere?)" - Warflight (Uhm... Anybody know if he voted for it or not ? -ed) "Pyramid of Darkness (Fatal Fluffies - need I say more?)" - Jaegan ZARANA : No you don't..... MAINFRAME : Killer teddybears ? ZARANA : And it would have won too, if it wasn't for DiC ! MAINFRAME : Now we get down to the characters ! The "It's just like I always imagined him/her" award for best characterization ! 1 - Doc 1 - Roadblock 1 - Tomax & Xamot 1 - Serpentor 1 - Spirit 1 - Horrorshow 1 - Wetsuit 1 - Sci-Fi 1 - Cobra Commander 1 - Storm Shadow 1 - Snake Eyes 2 - Flint 2 - Sgt. Slaughter 2 - Zartan 4 - Destro 5 - Duke 8 - Shipwreck "Doc's asbestos underwear." - John M (Here we go again ! -ed) "Snake-Eyes: silent character, how could you mess it up?" - Phillip Donnely "-Shipwreck. IMO, There is no comparison to the Toon Shipwreck in such classics as "There's no Place Like Springfield" and of Course, "The Revenge of Cobra"." - Dillon Lee "Shipwreck was the most developed character in G.I.Joe because we've seen him as a very humorous goofball, a leader, someone tortured over the lost of his family, a womanizer who falls in love with someone he can never be with, a rough and tough sailor who is a pushover around kids and a Joe who always has a smart ass remark for his own commanders and Cobra's!" - David thorton ( Essay writer and toon connaisseur -ed) ZARANA : Oy.... This thing is gonna take forever this way, isn't it ? MAINFRAME : Hey, it's all fun ! And congrats to my buddy, Shipwreck ! ZARANA : Where is he, anyway ? MAINFRAME : Passed out in the bar, he managed to get a look at the results before the show started, and wanted to.....celebrate. ZARANA : I......See...... The "Jar Jar" award for worst characterization in the toon ! 1 - Lifeline 1 - Duke 1 - Wetsuit 1 - Footloose 1 - Roadblock 1 - Scarlett 1 - Tollbooth 1 - Mr. C 1 - Falcon 1 - Falcon (DiC) 1 - Flint (DiC) 2 - Deep Six 3 - Serpentor 3 - Chuckles 5 - Snake Eyes 8 - Cobra Commander "Snake Eyes. Of course, when you got a member of the team who cant speak on a medium where speech is incredibly important, you cant really do too much with him without him being another Lassie. "Whats that boy? Cobras coming?" " - Dan Carber "Scarlett (too much hanging on Duke and acting like an airhead.)" - Jaegan "Flint from DiC. He's a Texan??" - Phillip Donnely "Freaking Chuckles. How do you take a CID Undercover expert and make him MUTE!?! It was a good way to save a few bucks on voice actors, but c'mon choose another character!" - Dillon Lee "Snake-Eyes,he was nothing but a doormat! " - Kenny D "Cobra Commander. His constant whining and crying and screwing up made him about as threatening to world domination as a group of Girl Scouts." - General Hawk ZARANA : Oh no..... MAINFRAME : What's the matter ? ZARANA : He's gonna be impossible to be around now..... That's two years in a row he's won this award...... MAINFRAME : And with twice as many votes ! CC (Running onstage) : TREACHERY MOST FOUL !!!! CC : I DON'T DESERVE THIS AT ALL !!! YOU ARE ALL AGAINST ME !! I NEVER WHINE !!!! Zarana and Mainframe give Cobra Commander a stare. CC : Oh, shut up. (goes offstage to sulk) The "Snake Eyes" award for best character voice ! 1 - Golobulus 1 - Taurus 1 - Bazooka 1 - Baroness 1 - Wild Bill 1 - RoadBlock 1 - Beach Head 2 - Shipwreck 2 - Storm Shadow 2 - Flint 8 - Destro 12 - Cobra Commander "Shipwreck. You gotta love that Jack Nicholson take." - Dan Carber "Cris Latta's Cobra Commander tied with Mike Bell's anything" - Diana M "Bullet: CC. Lynx: Oh yeah, hands down! Love that Star Scream voice. Bullet: I keep telling ya, it's just CC in the cockpit of Star Scream, controlling him! Lynx: Oh yeah? Then when Star Scream gets blown all too smithereens in 2005, why is it Star Scream's ghost with Star Scream's voice that keeps haunting them? Bullet: He's just really good at ventriloquism... Lynx: How, through astral projection? And how does he get his body to make his cameo? Thats way too competant for the character! Bullet: Ah, he knows mauch Kung fu... (I'm just making this up, you do realise...)" - Bullet And Linx (Using the ballot as a chatroom, for some reason -ed) ZARANA : Phew..... MAINFRAME : It was close there for a while, CC and Destro both going strong, but CC pulled it off ! ZARANA : This should be.... Zarana is interrupted as Cobra Commander once again comes onstage. CC : Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I have prepared a few words.... ANNOUNCER : What are you doing ? CC : Accepting my award off courssse ! ANNOUNCER : We don't give out statues or anything, you know. CC : WHAT ??? ANNOUNCER : Some winners get a graphic for their website, but fictional characters just get recognision. CC : This is an OUTRAGE ! Just because we're fictional doesn't mean we don't have feelings ! ANNOUNCER : Too bad. Let the hosts get on with it already ! CC : Fine... *sob* The "Urkle" award for worst character voice ! 1 - Zartan 1 - Bazooka 1 - Thunder 1 - Sgt. Slaughter 1 - Scrap Iron 1 - Duke 1 - Quick Kick 1 - Barbeque 1 - Dialtone 1 - Clutch 1 - Polly 2 - Destro 2 - Lady Jaye 2 - Storm Shadow 2 - Big Lob 4 - Cobra Commander 5 - Snake Eyes "Cant think of any that really annoyed me so Ill go with sarcasmSnake Eyes." - Earl Shelley (You're not alone -ed) "Lady Jaye had a butch voice to match her butch look. Crows cawing is more pleasant!" - The Wildman Josh "Thunder. Is he a muppet or something?" - Diana M "any supporting character from Sunbow or DiC, they all sound the same!" - Phillip Donnely ( Oh come on, Greenshirt number 2 sounded nothing like Cobra Officer number 3 in episode 16 ! -ed) "Does Polly count?" - Marvlostoy (Sure, why not .... -ed) MAINFRAME : And the sarcastic portion of the fandom wins it ! ZARANA : Yeah, real cute..... MAINFRAME : Hey, just proves that no one voice was universally disliked ! The "ROTFLMAO" award for FUNNIEST EPISODE EVER ! 1 - The Most Dangerous Thing 1 - Cold Slither 1 - Granny Dearest (DiC) 1 - Kindergarten Commandoes (DiC) 1 - The Great Alaskan Land Rush 1 - Revenge Of Cobra 1 - Grey Hairs And Growing Pains 1 - Cobrathon 2 - Twenty Questions 4 - The Viper Is Coming 11 - Once Upon A Joe "Grey hairs and Growing Pains (double points for Lady Jaye growing out of her pants ;)" - Jaegan ""Once Upon A Joe" - This was a great story told by the master goof" - Macdowin MAINFRAME : Mini-Joes scaring Cobras..... ZARANA : Not the highlight of my career..... The "Guest director : Oliver Stone" award for most dramatic episode ever ! 1 - GIJOE - The Movie 1 - the MASS Device 1 - There's No Place Like Springfield 1 - The Greatest Evil (Dic) 1 - Arise, Serpentor, Arise, part 5 1 - Into Your Tent I Will Silently Creep (I'm getting sick of typing that -ed) 1 - The Phantom Mena..errr I mean Brigade (-ed) 1 - Not a Ghost of a Chance 1 - Eye for an Eye 2 - Sink The Montana 2 - The Traitor 2 - Mara has to go into the ocean 3 - Worlds Without End "The one where Duke falls into a Coma.. wait that doesn't narrow it down at all... "The Traitor". We are dealing with some tough issues in this one. Treason, Espionage, Illness, Surgery, Comas. It shows tention within the Joe ranks and personal conflict interfering with duty. A real winner for the series." - Dillon Lee And from the "What Drama ? " pile : "Melodramatic ? All of them." - GIJane "There was drama in the cartoon?" - Bullet MAINFRAME : Second award of the evening for WWE ! ZARANA : Wasn't a clear victory though. Everybody seems to have a favorite. MAINFRAME : Well, not EVERYBODY..... The "I use it in casual conversation" award for best quote from the toon ! 1 - "Now begins the thousand year rule of Cobra !" - Serpentor, "Arise...." 1 - "I'm glad I wore my asbestos underwear today" - Doc, "Revenge of Cobra" 1 - "If I want your opinion, i'll beat it out of you !" - Serpentor "???" 1 - "Yo Joe" - Various 1 - "Well the mirror part works fine Doc.... I need a shave" - Clutch "Revenge..." 1 - "This I command" - Serpentor (various eps) 1 - "I wish you were triplets so I could hit three of you !" -CC, to the twins "Pyramid Of Darkness" 1 - "Stick your head in a bucket and rust your face of" - Gung Ho to CC "???" 1 - "COBRAAAA" - Various 1 - "Didn't you read my green sheets ? I'm a man of action" - Duke ,"MASS..." 1 - "Hey, who's gonna ride with me ?" "Get a date on your own time. This ain't the tunnel of love !" - Shipwreck and Gung Ho , Revenge of Cobra 1 - "What in the name of Sam Hill ?!?" - Hawk, (no ep given) 1 - "Ain't no lie, I love to fly" - Stalker, "MASS....." 1 - "Frogs in Winter" - Polly, "there's no place like Springfield" 1 - "Morons ! I have Morons on my payroll ! " - CC "Eau De Cobra" 1 - "Your powers of observation are only exceeded by your good looks, Destro! " - CC, "Cold Slither" 1 - "You venal mercenary! Your acting couldn't get you onto a soap opera ! " - Baroness , "Cobra's Funhouse" 1 - "All hail Cobra Commander, the great snake rules forever !" - Polly "Pyramid of Darkness" ""Morons! I have morons on my payroll!" " Cobra Commander in Eau de Cobra (it succinctly states why Cobra will never win :)" - David Thorton MAINFRAME : And the winner is...... Uhm... Waitaminute..... ZARANA : Two.... four.... eight..... We have an eightteen-way tie ! MAINFRAME : Time to bring in the judges !!!! ANNOUNCER : And our panel of esteemed judges, to break any ties on the FLAGGS this year are..... Colonel Courage, Zartan and Judge Dredd !!! MAINFRAME : What does Judge Dredd have to do with GIJoe ? ANNOUNCER : Surprisingly little. *ruffles through papers* Ah, yes. Dredd was played by Sylvester Stallone, and Stallone also played Rocky, who almost became a member of the Joe team. ZARANA : That has to be the weakest link ever. ANNOUNCER : Thank you, Ann Robinson. Judges ? ZARTAN : A tough call...... Especially since I didn't get quoted once. COL. COURAGE : I Vote for the asbestos thing, since John Missal made SUCH a huge deal about it last year. DREDD : Fine with me. MAINFRAME : So the winner is..... Doc and his Asbestos Underwear ! JOHN (from the audience) : It's.....beattiful. *cries* ZARANA : Ahem..... Next ? The "Blow the budget on one guy" award for actor you'd most want to do a voice ! 1 - Vingh Rames (as Heavy Duty) 1 - Harrison Ford (unspecified) 1 - Clint Eastwood (unspecified) 1 - George C. Scott (as Colonel Sharp) 1 - Iron Eyes Cody (as Spirit) 1 - Tung (as Tunnelrat) 1 - David Alan Grier (as Crazylegs) 1 - Ed Norton (as Sci-Fi) 1 - Mel gibson (Battle Corps Gen. Flag) 1 - Maurice LaMarche (as Destro) 1 - Arnold Swarche..... That Terminator guy, OK ? -ed (as Crystal Ball) 2 - James Earl Jones (as member of old action team, as Destro) 2 - Bruce Campbell (as Shipwreck) 5 - Sean Connery (as Destro) "Arnold Schwarzeneggar, can't you just see him doing Crystal Ball??" - Phillip Donnely "Me as Tunnel Rat" - Tung (You're an actor ???? : ) -ed) MAINFRAME : The Sean wins it ! ZARANA : Destro will be pleased. The "Like em better than some episodes" award for best opening/end credits ! 1 - Season 2 (Joes attacking Terrordrome) 3 - Season 1 (Cobras flying fortress) 3 - Revenge Of Cobra 6 - MASS Device (original opener) 7 - The Movie "GI Joe the Movie. To tell a family secret, I still get goosebumps when I hear Duke yell YO JOE!" - Dillon Lee MAINFRAME : Weren't you topless in the movie ? ZARANA : You wish..... The "Should have gotten a figure, dammit !" award for best cartoon-only character ! 1 - Admiral Lattimer 1 - Big Lob (???-ed) 1 - Pythona 1 - Mara 5 - Hector Ramirez 7 - Sparks "Mara. I wish we got to see more of her." - Dan Carber (in what way exactly ? -ed) "Admiral Lattimer. He was an honorable man that had gotten too attached to his ship. He didn't want to work for Cobra, but Pride got in the way of duty. He was the only toon-exclusive character that had real depth." - Dillon Lee "Hector Ramirez was a classic character second only to Sesame Street's Guy Smiley! (they shoulda made a figure of him)" - The wildman Josh (you frighten me..... -ed) "Hector Ramirez --Gotta love a Geraldo Rivera knock off...." - John M MAINFRAME : That knock-off sure gave Sparks a run for his money. ZARANA : Yes, but he was beaten in the final stretch ! MAINFRAME : Let's see who we get to dump on now ! The "No toy ? what a *pity*" award for worst cartoon-only character ! 1 - The Viper (The Vindow Viper) 1 - Amber (Quick Kick's GF from "Lazers in the Night") 1 - Mr. C 1 - Mara 1 - Director from "Lights, Camera, Cobra" 1 - Greenshirts 2 - Hector Ramirez 7 - Big Lob "Hector Ramirez --it is, after all, a Geraldo Rivera knock off...." - John M (It's because of people like you that Geraldo knock-offs dye their hair. -ed) "Big Lob.. why didn't they just shoot him?" - Diana M (It's against Cobra's cartoon policy to shoot anybody -ed) ZARANA : Hey, cheap shot. MAINFRAME : (gives her an "oh, come ON" look.) ZARANA : Yeah, allright..... MAINFRAME : And now, we come to the two last awards of our category ! ZARANA : And we're gonna go out with a bang ! The "Fred Flintstone" award for FAVORITE CARTOON CHARACTER ! 1 - Storm Shadow 1 - Wetsuit 1 - Hawk 1 - Serpentor 1 - Lady Jaye 1 - Clutch 1 - Firefly 1 - Sci-Fi 1 - Zartan 2 - Cobra Commander 2 - Beachhead 3 - Flint 4 - Duke 7 - Shipwreck "Shipwreck. You gotta love that Jack Nicholson voice, plus hes gotta be the smoothest slacker of them all." - Dan Carber, Dillon also made the Nicholson ref. "Rick Hunter from Robotech" - Tung (For some reason, that doesn't count -ed) "Didn't you just ask this in question #16?" - Warflight (no, that was for characters that didn't appear anywhere else, you're not the only one that made the mistake though -ed) ZARANA : That smelly, lazy no-good foulmouthed idiot won ? MAINFRAME : Uhm... you just described any Dreadnock..... ZARANA : I..... Shut up ! The "Wheelie" award for WORST cartoon character !!! 1 - Bazooka 1 - Deep Six 1 - Sparks 1 - Steeler 1 - Scrap Iron 1 - Duke 1 - Cobra Commander 1 - Flint 1 - Lady Jaye 1 - Scarlett 1 - Sgt. Slaughter 1 - Admiral Latimer 1 - Mercer 1 - Big Lob 2 - Roadblock 3 - Serpentor 5 - Lifeline "Bazooka. He didnt come across as being smart enough to be a Dreadnok, let alone a Joe." - Dan Carber "Serpentor. "This I Command" my rear end!" - General Hawk "Cobra Commander-- They made him too sucky" - Tommy Dye ZARANA : Lifeline..... Hero or wuss ? MAINFRAME : We'll leave that up to the flamewars.... Anyway, our time here is up, so goodnight everybody, and enjoy the rest of the show ! ZARANA : Wanna go make out ? MAINFRAME : 'kay..... Zarana and Mainframe walk offstage, to the tune of the end credits from "Revenge of Cobra". CC and Hawk re-enter. CC : Remind me to have a little talk with Tommy later..... HAWK : Well, we've dissected the cartoon but good ! CC : Yesss. And I won an award too ! That's the important thing. HAWK : Sure..... Anyway, let's get on with the show ! Time to get the low-down on the COMIC ! ANNOUNCER : And here to present the awards in the comic category....... SCARFACE and GENERAL FLAGG ! CC : Didn't we kill those guys ? Hawk : they got better. Scarface and General Flagg come down the stairs, to the tune of Timelf's "Resurrection" dio series (if it had a theme tune, anyway), as Cobra Commander and Hawk leave the stage. FLAGG : Ahhh. Great to be here folks, presenting awards named in my honor ! SCARFACE : No they weren't. They were randomly named. FLAGG : Po-t-a-t-o , Po-t-A-t-o . Who are you again ? SCARFACE : you know, Cobra's famous courier from the comic ! FLAGG : Not with you..... SCARFACE : I carried a deadly virus ? FLAGG : Doesn't ring a bell. SCARFACE : I had a big scar on my face ? FLAGG : Ah , yes, you're the guy that inspired kids to mess up their Cobra trooper and Officer figures with exacto knives. SCARFACE : Did not ! FLAGG : Did too ! CRYSTAL BALL (from balcony) : This is the way comic characters are written ? FRIDGE : (from balcony) : The way Timmer writes them anyway..... FLAGG : Ahem..... What do you say we present the first award ? SCARFACE : Sure ! The "Shakespeare, but with pictures !" award for BEST ISSUE EVER ! 1 - No 22 (Like Chimney Sweepers Come To Dust) 1 - No 82 (Training Day) 1 - No 26 (The origin of Snake-Eyes) 1 - No 16 (Night Attack) 1 - No 2 (Panic at the North Pole) 1 - No 124 (Triple treat) 1 - No 43 (Crossroads) 1 - Yearbook 2 1 - No 74 (Cobra Civil War) 2 - No 109 (Death In The Desert) 2 - No 1 (Operation Lady Doomsday) 4 - No 155 (A letter from Snake-Eyes) 5 - No 50 (battle for springfield) 8 - No 21 (Silent Interlude) "GI Joe #1. No other comic out of the run got me as excited and wanting more as that one." - Dan Carber "G.I.Joe #1 ? Operation: Lady Doomsday was the best issue ever because we saw futuristic and realistic weaponry, the bravery of the G.I.Joe team, the horrors of the terrorist group known as Cobra and because the commercial helped launch one of the coolest animated series on television." - David thorton (essay writer and commercial connaisseur -ed) "Deadpool 42. Spoof of GIJoe 21" - John M ( Judge Dredd wants a word with you -ed) "#21 The First "Silent" Issue. I'm not even a big Snake-Eyes fan but it had all the things a Joe Fan boy dreams about. Grenades, Ninjas, Explosions, Castles, Explosions, Love, Mystery, Explosions and Ninjas." - Dillon Lee "Issue #50, Battle of Springfield. Some GREAT action scenes and battles...Serpentor was portrayed well, and Cobra ended up winning in the end. Larry Hama writing, Rod Whigham art...a great, milestone issue." - General Hawk "Arrrrrrgggggggghhhh. If I absolutely must pick just one, then Marvel #21 has to be it. Silent Castle." - Jaegan ( I put you people through so much pain, don't I ? -ed) FLAGG : Silent Interlude, for two years in a row ! SCARFACE : Are you talking to me ? FLAGG : What ? SCARFACE : I said, are you talking to me ? FLAGG : What are you doing ? SCARFACE : Al Pacino ! You know, "Scarface" ! FLAGG : That was "Taxi Driver"..... SCARFACE : Oh..... Next award ! The "I wasted good money on THIS ?" award for WORST ISSUE EVER ! 1 - No 119 (Double Trouble) 1 - No 144 (Snake-Eyes : The Tale Untold) 1 - No 155 (A Letter From Snake-Eyes) 1 - No 1 (Reinstated, Image) 1 - Action Force 6 (Cobra-La cameo) 1 - No 88 (Python Patrol) 1 - No 1 (Operation Lady Doomsday) 1 - No 1 (G.I.Joe 3-D Of Birds an Men) 1 - No 21 (Silent Interlude) 1 - No 8 (Codename : Sea Striker) 3 - No 24 (Ladies Day) 3 - No 154 (Flying The Unfriendly Skies) 4 - No 1 (GIJoe Vs. Transformers) "GIjoe 154. When did they hire Wesley Snipes to play Roadblock????" - John Missal (It's people like you that make Wesley Snipes dye his hair. -ed) "#21 - Chant with me Over-Rated! Over-Rated!" - Mike T (The rest of the fandom would like a word with you -ed) "#155 - Because it was the last issue of G.I.Joe. Excuse me while I go cry. - Macdowin FLAGG : I thought Transformers where well-liked. SCARFACE : Transformers are liked, so is GIJoe, just not when put together, it seems. FLAGG : Crossovers, always hit or miss I suppose..... The "Special" award for BEST Special Missions issue ever ! 2 - No 6 ( Evasion) 1 - No 7 (Cobra consulate ruse) 1 - No 8 (Ambush) 1 - No 14 (In from the Cold) 1 - No 5 (Showdown) 2 - No 5 (Showdown) 2 - No 22 (Decisions) 5 - No 1 (That Sinking Feeling) 7 - No 2 (Words of Honor) Honorable mention : Regular issue No 50 - introducing special missions (2 votes) SCARFACE : A great winner ! FLAGG : It took a judges decision last year, but today, issue 2 is the undisputed winner ! The "no contest, really" award for WORST special mission issue ever ! 1 - No 25 (Forced Play) 1 - No 4 (No Holds Barred) 1 - No 26 (Passing of the guard) 1 - No 28 (Final issue) 8 - No 24 (Ladies Day) "Lady's Day Out.... don't know the issue number, but it was Special Missions, and I LOVED Special Missions.... but that one BLEW!!!" - Warflight (nobody seems to remember the issue number -ed) "#24 - Ladies' Day" - Tim Frankovich ( THANK YOU ! 38 ballots counted, you're the first to give me the issue number -ed) "#28 Because it was the last issue. Don't make me cry again." - Macdowin SCARFACE : Crybaby. FLAGG : No great upset with this years winner, huh ? SCARFACE : I guess the writers were wrong thinking all the Joe girls as cheerleaders would turn on the readers. FLAGG : I blame Crystal Ball. CRYSTAL BALL (from balcony) : HEY ! The "Best of the Best" award for BEST COMIC SERIES ! 1 - GIJoe Vs. Transformers 2 - Yearbooks 3 - 2001 Image series 5 - Special Missions 22 - Regular "Regular (so far... image is cool, but young... time may tell on this one)" - Phillip Powers "Special missions rocked when the regular series got stale" - Diana M "Cohesively, the new Image title, I think" - Alec Trevelyan 006 "From what I've read, Special Missions defines what my Joes are about. They're the best of the best that do a dirty job. No other Comic showcases all the elements that made GI Joe cool for me better." - Dillon Lee "Regular Marvel run for now. I reserve the right to change my opinion next year, once the DD team has more issues under their belt and I see how they handle some things." - Jaegan ( Uhm..Yeah, that's what the 2002 FLAGGS will be for -ed) FLAGG : Biggest landslide yet tonight ! SCARFACE : Shouldn't they retire this award ? FLAGG : I don't know, in 2002, the new imagine comic will be in full swing, and Larry Hama is gonna be writing mini-comics, so watch this space ! The "R...Rosebud" award for best comic death ! 1 - Mangler 1 - Thunder 1 - The ox (Special Missions, some kid's ox gets shot) (Don't ask -ed) 1 - Toxo Viper (falls into the plasmotox) 2 - Soft Master 2 - Doc 3 - General Flagg 4 - Cool Breeze 4 - Sneak Peek 6 - Serpentor 6 - Kwinn "Kwinn. Great plot, great twist, and great closure." - Dan Carber "Sneak Peek. He was the only character that died as a result of something truely HEROIC." - John Missal "Thunder. finally put him out his misery!" - The Wildman Josh ( Ouch ! -ed) "Serpentor. That shot of him getting nailed in the eye will stay in my brain forever." - Paul Jacoby (Serpentor feels the same way -ed) "Serpentor. It made me giggle" - Diana M "Don't know the issue, but the one where the Soft Master get offed.... it was so poetic, and so tragic. he sacrifices himself for the innocent, and the innocent get killed anyway.... it really showed Cobra to be a threat, and not just some "James Bondish" bad guy who wants to take over the world, but can easilly be stopped..." - Warflight "Storm Shadows death by the Baroness" - Tommy Dye (Doesn't count, he got better -ed) And from the "pick one already" pile : "Oktober Guard" - Marvlostoys (Be specific -ed) "Battle Force 2000" - Tung and Troy X FLAGG : WE HAVE A TIE ! SCARFACE : Judges ! COLONEL COURAGE : Hmmm.... An interesting dilemma. ZARTAN : I'd go with Serpentor, since I killed him. COLONEL COURAGE : I'd pick Kwinn ! He took his ennemy with him ! JUDGE DREDD : A noble death.... I agree ! FLAGG : So it goes to Kwinn ! SCARFACE : I didn't get one vote...... FLAGG : Who are you again ? The "Transformers movie shuttle scene" for WORST comic death ! 1 - Cool Breeze 1 - General Flagg 1 - Raptor 2 - Serpentor 3 - Breaker 12 - Doc "Battle Force 2000" - Various (Guys, it's "death" not "deaths" -ed) "Issue No 155 - The end of the Joe team !" - KennyD (Cute, real cute -ed) "Doc, because it just sucked that they killed him off" - Diana M "Breaker. To have such a classic character cast aside like that just pretty much sucked." - General Hawk (you guys don't write essays...Thank you -ed) "Bullet: hmmm.... toughie... Lynx: Doc. You don't shoot a medic. Bullet: I doubt the Saw Viper cared... Lynx: But you still don't shoot a medic" - Bullet and Lynx (duh) "Doc (I DIDN'T WANT REAL WAR) (Sorry for shouting, but man, They killed the Doc. That wasn't cool.)" - Jaegan FLAGG : Doc wins it two years in a row ! SCARFACE : And with a landslide this time ! He got more votes than all the others combined ! The "MichealAngelo (the painter)" award for best artist ! 1 - Josh Blaylock 1 - Mike Vosburg 1 - Ron Garney 1 - Andy Kubert 1 - Golden 2 - Mike Zeck 2 - Rod Whigham 2 - M.D. Bright 2 - Ron Wagner 3 - Todd McFarlane 4 - Andrew Wildman "Stan Lee" - Earl Shelley (?????? -ed) SCARFACE : Close race ! FLAGG : It's Wildman, by a nosehair ! The "Michealangelo (the ninja turtle)" award for WORST comic artist. 1 - Kurth 1 - Mike Vosburg 2 - Herb Trimpe 2 - Todd McFarlane 2 - Phil Gossier 4 - Tony Salmons "Mcfarlaine, who is a twit" - Diana M "Everyone's going to say Wildman, but I think Mike Vosburg was more consistent in his artistic drivel. Geez, lookit Ace in #17! I count more big lips on his work than big mouths on Wildman anyday." - Paul Jacoby (Seen the "best artist" winner yet ? -ed) FLAGG : A clearcut winner. SCARFACE : Not many voters, though. FLAGG : Makes it interesting, one vote can make all the difference. The "It's on my bumpersticker" award for best comic qoute ! 1 - "Nobody ever died for a typewriter" (Roadblock, on the US Flag) 1 - "In order to conquer the weasel in others, you must first conquer the weasel within" (Kwinn, on Bobby Heenan, OK, not really -ed) 1 - "Say! We could pull into a dark, secluded alley and 'pretend' to be making out." (Clutch, to Covergirl ) 1 - "The man who whips a dog will pull his own sled someday" (Kwinn) 1 - "Serpentor? Is that my name ? I seem to remember others.... But Serpentor will do... for now." (Serpentor, duh) 1 - "They thought they had old Snake Eyes cornered.... General Flagg, he shouldn't be allowed to carry that thing in his boot..." (Breaker) 1 - "Dag, why all the long faces ? Is Nixon president again ?" (Stalker) 1 - "Breaker: Signal's comin' in loud & clear! we can track it from here to Georgia if need be! Daina: Nyet! Georgia is Soviet territory! Stalker: That ain't the Georgia that's on his mind sweety! Col. Brekhov: (readies AK threateningly at Joes) . . .Quite right, but the Georgia on MY mind is back in the USSR, so much for levity. . ."click!"" (characters just mentioned) 1 - "This is bad, a pro shouldn't let the fight get personal... Naw, I'll wait until after I stomp a few more Cobras" (Flint) 1 - "What are you staring at? We are not animals...we don't abandon our brothers on the field. Enough of this -- I go forth to press the foe! Who follows me?!!" (Serpentor) 1 - "This is a combat unit, we don't need a fireman!" "That's what everyone says...until their house catches on fire!" (shipwreck and Barbeque) 1 - "Arrgh! Howmany purges do I have to conduct around here to get some competent lackeys?!" (Cobra Commander) 2 - "..." (Snake Eyes) 2 - "I know you can't talk, but you could have at least written a note!" (Scarlett) 2 - "You're soldiers. your job is to do the impossible, and make it look easy." (Hawk) FLAGG : And another tie !!! SCARFACE : Are we paying the judges ? FLAGG : Are you kidding, we don't even get paid..... COL. COURAGE : I'd sat scarlett is out, since those two votes came from bullet and Jinx, who voted on the same ballot. JUDGE DREDD : Agreed, and Snake Eyes already won an award for not speaking, so he's out ! ZARTAN : Hawk it is ! FLAGG : Congratulations to our host ! CC (from backstage) : CO-HOST ! FLAGG : Whatever. The "Customized one years ago" for favorite comic-only character ! 1 - General Hollingsworth 1 - Dr. Venom 1 - General Flagg 2 - Cool Breeze 8 - Billy 10 - Kwinn FLAGG : Kwinn takes another award home tonight ! SCARFACE : And this time, he's the undisputed winner ! The "Who the hell is that ???" award for worst comic-only character ! 1 - The CIA spook (Anderson ? -ed) 1 - El Jefe 1 - Wolfgang (Wolkukukland president) 1 - General Liedercranz 1 - White Clown 2 - Dr. Venom 2 - Fred VII 3 - Billy 3 - Dr. Biggles-Jones 5 - Candy Apple (Bongo the balloon bear) (I can't make this up -ed) "El Jefe...Talk about stereotypes..." - John M "Dr. Biggles-Jones. She was babe, but she bored me to tears. The only thing vaguley interesting was the fact that in her first appearance you were sure the famous scientist Cobra was after was the old man in the lab coat not the cute girl in spandex. The whole character revolved around one lame ploy. Also, What the hells up with that name!?!" - Dillon Lee FLAGG : Seems fair. SCARFACE : Yeah, I mean... Candy Apple.... That's funny if you say it once. FLAGG : Barely. The "They got it just right ! " award for favorite comic character ! 1 - Kwinn 1 - Serpentor 1 - Tunnelrat 1 - Roadblock 1 - Duke 1 - Sci-Fi 1 - Firefly 1 - Destro 2 - Hawk 2 - Clutch 2 - Billy 2 - Cobra Commander 3 - Storm Shadow 3 - Flint 3 - Zartan 7 - Snake-Eyes "That Blond Field Commander First Sgt. The one who wasn't indestructible but kicked enough ass to make it worthwhile. The one Roadblock called "Bad". Yeah...I think he's called Duke" - Diana M "Zartan, without a shadow of a doubt. His personality, his odd powers/abilities were never displayed so well as in his hayday in the comics." - General Hawk " I'd say Flint. The comic made him the Han Solo of GI Joe. He was the lovable rogue, a natural leader, and a brash but cunning tactician." - Dillon Lee FLAGG : That's why they made it "Starring Snake-Eyes" ! SCARFACE : God help us...... The "Wolverine he aint" award for Least favorite comic character ! 1 - Weaponsmith 1 - Croc Master 1 - Headman 1 - Cesspool 1 - Tomax/Xamot 1 - Fred VII 1 - Sgt. Slaughter 1 - candy Apple (you know who -ed) 1 - Duke 1 - Flint 1 - Road Pig 1 - Sneak Peek 1 - Metal Head 1 - Baroness 1 - White Clown 2 - Raptor 2 - Firefly (Ninja) 3 - Serpentor 4 - Snake-Eyes "Weaponsmith (GIJoe European Missions #9) All that time with Cover Girl, and not a single successful pass completion..." - John M "Anything calling itself a ninja after the first 12 issues of the Marvel run." - Diana M (THAT narrows it down -ed) "Ninja Firefly. Firefly was cool, but Ninja Firefly was a dork" - Dillon Lee "WONDER TWIN POWER... ACTIVATE!!!" - Warflight ( on the crimson twins... I hope -ed) FLAGG : Holy cow ! This has never happened before ! SCARFACE : Snake-Eyes is the fandoms favorite AND least favorite comic character ! FLAGG : What does that mean ? SCARFACE : That our fanbase is really, really screwed up ? The "Oddessy" award for best story arc ! 1 - Oktober Guard Introduction 1 - Battle for Cobra Island/Creation of Cobra Island 1 - Clutches Past 1 - Outback and the POWs in Borovia 1 - Firefly returns as a Ninja 2 - The Battle For Springfield/Creation of Serpentor 2 - Scarlett in a Coma 2 - issue 12-19, 22 (regular series) 5 - Trucial Abysmia War 6 - Snake-Eyes, The Origin 8 - Cobra Civil War "Ironically the Snake Eyes origin. Initially, that is. As it kept going forever, it got stale and became the worst." - Dan Carber FLAGG : It was a close race there for a while, but the civil war retains the award ! SCARFACE : Yeah, but mister super ninja is creeping up on it ! The "Maximum Clonage" award for worst comic story arc ! 1 - Cobra civil War 1 - Fred VII and the paranoia soundwaves 1 - Firefly return as a Ninja 1 - Milville 1 - Fred shooting CC and taking over 1 - Ripcord/Candy arc 1 - GIJOE 3D - Of birds and men 2 - Snake-Eyes, The Origin 3 - Eco Warriors 6 - Maximum Ninjage (Starring Snake-Eyes and Ninja Force stuff) 8 - GIJoe Vs. The Transformers (mini series+regular series) "Again, the Snake Eyes origin. Classic case of wanting to know more about him, and the more you knew the less mystique the character had. Heck, his mystique is what made him interesting." - Dan Carber "The whole Ninja stuff-what was that 140 issues out of 155?" - KennyD "It was really tiny and I bet no one remembers it. See, it involved Snake Eyes and all that stuff. Brought the whole comic down." - Diana M "The whole "Snake Eyes, featuring G.I. Joe" thing" - Gen. Hawk ( I think it was the other way around... Actually, good point -ed) FLAGG : The Transformers are taking a pounding tonight ! SCARFACE : Serves them right for enslaving humanity ! FLAGG : Not once did they do that. The "Hang it in the Louvre, baby" award for best comic cover ! 1 - No 1 (GIJoe Special) 1 - No 23 1 - No 21 1 - No 28 1 - No 29 1 - No 31 1 - No 37 1 - No 50 1 - No 63 1 - No 67 1 - No 109 1 - No 110 1 - No 113 1 - No 121 1 - No 126 1 - No 145 1 - Yearbook 2 2 - No 139 2 - No 1 2 - No 2 (Image comic) 4 - No 43 "Bullet: #130-something... where Megatron is holding Cobra Commander... Lynx: Shoulda had a back cover of Megs SQUISHING CC..." - Guess who FLAGG : A fine winner ! A try work of art ! WHOOHOO ! SCARFACE : You have no idea what it looks like, do you ? FLAGG : Shut up. The "Hang it in the Louvre's Latrine! " Award for worst cover art ! 1 - No 1 (European Missions) 1 - No 1 (Order Of Battle) 1 - No 8 1 - No 26 1 - No 81 2 - No 24 (Special Missions) 2 - No 101 2 - No 155 3 - No 154 "G.I. Joe: European Mission #1, they're all grinning like idiots..." - Philliph Donnely "8. is that snake eyes shooting at stalker?" - Mike Senger SCARFACE : Low voter turnout. FLAGG : Guess the covers were pretty well liked. Oh well, we're almost at the end here ! The "Archie" award for funniest issue ! 1 - No 23 1 - No 82 1 - No 151 1 - Yearbook 3 (second silent story) 2 - No 5 2 - No 24 (Special Missions) 3 - No 29 "I forget the title, the ones involving Headman, Cesspool, and "Ninja Force" those were jokes, right?" - Diana M "Cobra Commander Captured at last the dialogue between Bludd and CC is hilarious not to mention Roadblocks complaints about the food." - Dzirhan "Was "Lady's Day Out" TRYING to be funny?" - Warflight FLAGG : Ah, yes, had some good bits, that one. SCARFACE : Southern law enforcement like dukes of Hazard you mean ? FLAGG : Indeed. Anyway, time for the final award in the comic category ! The "Should be a novel" award for most dramatic issue ! 1 - No 2 (Special Missions) 1 - No 19 1 - No 26 1 - No 26 (Special Missions) 1 - No 43 1 - No 71 1 - No 84 2 - No 19 3 - No 155 5 - No 109 " No 155 - The letter was very thought provoking. It was a very nice way to end the series, even if it was ended prematurely." - Macdowin "#109. hyper realistic, shockingly so. absolute work of art!" - The Wildman Josh FLAGG : That's what you get when you kill off a bunch of Joes ! SCARFACE : Heh. Your death didn't get a single vote. FLAGG : Neither did yours ! SCARFACE : Well, my body was never found.... So maybe I'll show up someday as "the scarred master". FLAGG : What scares me is that it's very possible..... Anyway, that's it from us, hope you had fun, and enjoy the rest of the show ! General Flagg and Scarface exit the stage, to the music of the grateful dead, as CC and Hawk re-enter. HAWK : Comic ? Check. Cartoon ? Check.
CC : *sigh* I think I know what's coming next..... HAWK : Yup, but let me give ya a hint anyway. "Wassss Oncssse a Man..... CC : You're lucky we declare truce for the FLAGGS every year. HAWK : "Oncssse a maaaan"..... Ahem. As you may have guessed folks, it's time to present the awards for the MOVIE section ! And here to present these awards are..... Golobulus and Starscream ! HUH ? CC : I've been through this before, here's where things start to get weird.... The movie opening theme plays as Golobulus comes slithering down the stairs, while Starscream flies in from above, transforming to land. GOLOBULUS : Greetings, Earthlings ! HAWK : Aren't you an earthling too ? GOLOBULUS : Uhmmm.... Yes, I guess. Greetings non-mutants ! HAWK : Are you a mutant ? GOLOBULUS : Well.... No not really. HAWK : Then what the hell are you supposed to be ? GOLOBULUS : Uhm..... well I..... *sniff* I'M JUST A TORSO ON A PLANT SPIKE, OKAY ? *cries* HAWK : There there, big fella..... GOLOBULUS : *sniff* I mean, the Transformers got a planet-eating super- robot as the main villain. He-Man had skeletor.... I mean, my toy can't even stand up straight !! HAWK : Easy, big guy, easy..... GOLOBULUS : I mean , the only reason I'm here, and not up on that balcony with those other losers..... CRYSTAL BALL AND THE FRIDGE : HEY ! GOLOBULUS : ....is because I was in the movie. HAWK : It's okay, it's okay... It's not your fault. GOLOBULUS : *sniff* I'm sorry... I'm not used to being in public anymore. STARSCREAM : Weren't you dead ? GOLOBULUS : Look who's talking.... STARSCREAM : Air commander Starscream of the Decepticon forces ! That's who's talking ! GOLOBULUS : That's not what I meant..... CC : It's an honor to meet a representative of such an awesome, evil force ! STARSCREAM : Are you making fun of my voice ? CC : N...no I'd never do that ! STARSCREAM : Then stop impersonating me ! HAWK : Come on, ragface, let's go so these gentlemen can get on with it. Hawk and Cobra Commander rush offstage, being eyed suspiciously by Starscream. STARSCREAM : (mumbling) Disrespectful fleshling...... GOLOBULUS : Well, time for the first award in the MOVIE category, folks ! The "Everything before they spoke" award for best movie moment ! 1 - Sgt. Slaughter fights Nemesis Enforcer 1 - Nemesis Enforcer's first appearance 1 - First battle for the B.E.T. 1 - Cobra Commander letting Pythona through to reach Serpy 1 - Introduction of the Renegades 1 - Sgt. Slaughter : "We all go home or nobody goes home" 1 - Sci-fi's appearance 2 - Introduction of Pythona 2 - End Credits 23 - Opening sequence/theme song/ opening credits "Death of Duke....(oh wait...they edited that so he lived...nevermind)" - John M "the credits, cuz its over!" - GI Jane "Nemesis Enforcers first appearance beating the holy hell out of everyone!" - Prozac "(You mean besides the opening?)" - Paul Jacoby (apparantly not -ed) "The intro. Very slick, great music, nice choreography! If only the whole movie had been that nicely done!" - General Hawk "When Sci-Fi bails from the AWE Striker (Yes, he's in there, if you want me to go rent the DVD again and tell you exactly where it is, I can, but I really don't want to have to explain to the Blockbuster clerk why I am renting it AGAIN)" - Sleepersports ( A Sci-Fi fan , apparantly -ed) GOLOBULUS : *sniff* See ? The part that I'm not in wins..... STARSCREAM : Are you gonna be this pathetic all the time ? The "They shoot Old Yeller" award for WORST movie moment ! 1 - Nemesis Enforcer falls into the ravine 1 - Lt. Falcon and Jinx kissing at the end. 1 - Final Joe assault on Cobra-La 1 - Trial of Cobra Commander 1 - Falcon being a lazy jerk 1 - The revelation of Cobra-La 1 - Duke goes into a coma 1 - Duke and Flacon fighting 1 - Serpentor screaming "Cobra-lalalalalaaaa 1 - Rawhide training 4 - "Duke's gonna be OK" 4 - Cobra commander gets turned into a snake 10 - (Dis)honorable mention : Everything after the opening sequence "The rest... Ahem, OK, CC becoming a snake" - Timmer ""he's...in a coma" ungh, overdramatization." - Alec Trevelyan 006 "Any scene with Cobra-La in it" - Darkhawk "When Nemesis Enforcer and his wings that made him fly fell into the ravine. He had wings, for cripes sake! Why couldnt he fly back up????" - Dan Carber "Duke's death" - Serpentor (Doesn't count, didn't happen -ed) "Those few lines that I can't figure out. What is a "carnal tree?" is it Sexy? and what the Hell did Sgt. Slaughter say when he was slapping Falcon?" - Diana M (no idea how to put this in the votes -ed) "The Final Joe assault on Cobra-La. Ten Joes defeat a whole Nation state of enhanced snake men, Cobra Soldiers and Bio mutations... yeah right." - Dillon Lee GOLOBULUS : Hmmm... Is that a tie ? STARSCREAM : No way ! I say give the award to the entire movie, save the opening ! GOLOBULUS : Isn't that up to the judges ? STARSCREAM : Not when you could crush the judges with one toe..... GOLOBULUS : You don't have toes. STARSCREAM : Neither do you, and you know what I mean. GOLOBULUS : Fine, let's get on with it..... The "Shining like a diamond in a swamp" award for best movie character ! 1 - Cobra Commander 1 - Roadblock 1 - Chuckles 1 - Golobulus 1 - Duke 1 - Serpentor 1 - Big Lob 1 - Beach Head 2 - Jinx 2 - Tunnelrat 2 - Sgt. Slaughter 3 - Pythona 4 - Nemesis Enforcer 5 - Lt. Falcon 6 - Mercer "Beach Head. What he had to put up with and how he handled the situations were priceless." - Macdowin "Jinx... the only new Joe to not be clueless and abbrasive" - EEJ (and she was a hottie -ed) "Lt. Falcon, even if he was a jackass" - Alec Trevelyan 006 "Mercer, 80's Bad Ass" - Sleepersports (Not Sci-Fi ? -ed) "Cobra Commander... something about him loosing his mind seemed like something someone would do in that situation..." - Warflight ( Slowly being turned into a snake can do that to ya -ed) "tunnel rat. underused in all forms of joe" - Mike Senger (Tung says "thanks" -ed) "Mercer. Brutal, mean, and fresh out of Cobra. Really everything you expect an ex-Viper to be." - Dillon Lee GOLOBULUS : Last year's host wins the award ! STARSCREAM : Maybe it's the accent ? GOLOBULUS : And somebody voted for me !! STARSCREAM : So ? Somebody also voted for Big Lob *shudder* GOLOBULUS : But..... Shut up. The "Wheelie , part 2" award for WORST movie character ! 1 - Law 1 - Serpentor 1 - Pythona 1 - Roadblock 1 - Cobra Commander 2 - Sgt. Slaughter 2 - Chuckles 3 - Golobulus 6 - Lt. Falcon 12 - Big Lob "Lt. Falcon. I'm sorry, but if you are a Green Beret, you wouldn't be that much of a pussy (please feel free to edit that word out if needed)." - John M ( The hell I will, you stand by your words hehehe -ed) "All" - Tommy Dye (Ouch -ed) "Anything withe Cobra-La in the name, and anyone who's battle cry was "COBRA-LALALALALALALALA!!!!!"" - Warflight (As precise as ever -ed) "Pretty much the rest of Cobra La, but to pin it down, Golobulus" - Joe Harris (THANK YOU ! -ed) "Big Lob! Ooohhh.... play by play action, Like we NEEDED it?" - bullet (Timmer makes a funny comment -ed) STARSCREAM : See ? You weren't even close to winning this award ! GOLOBULUS : Yeah, I guess.... It's hard to top Big Lob, I suppose. STARSCREAM : I'll say, this guy could give Wheelie a run for his money. The "Use the Force, Duke" award for best movie quote ! 1 - "Then I shall be your Eyes" (Cobra Commander) 1 - "Que pasa, Jinx ?" (Law ) 1 - Cobra-lalalalalaaaa (Serpentor) 1 - "Shhh Pathetic" (Beach Head) 1 - "A Diamond that size answers all my questions" (Zartan) 1 - "Ive asked Beach Head to seep up the new recruit's training, General." "That's easier said than done Duke, first they have to survive Beach Head" (Duke and General Hawk) 1 - Nice legs for a greasemonkey" (Falcon) 1 - "Chuckles, next time, use the rocket launcher" (Beach Head) 1 - "Silence, or be silenced !" (Golobulus) 1 - "Ello ello ello" "Adios adios adios" (Buzzer and Law) 2 - "...you'll go home in a diddy-bag! An itty-bitty diddy-bag! (Slaughter) 2 - "Wassss a mannn" (The Snake formerly known as Cobra Commander) 2 - "The last thing you hear, will be the snapping of your own vertebrae" (Golobulus) 2 - "I hope you both get fleas" (Beach Head to Law) 5 - "Law and Order, it's a theme, I drive the car, he finds the bombs... We tried it the other way, but it didn't work." (Law) " "****" Snake Eyes, that guy has a WAY with words" - Warflight (He was in the movie for like one frame -ed) " "*******" Sci-Fi as he bails from the AWE, that one brought a tear to my eye" - Sleepersports ( I hate you both -ed) STARSCREAM : I preferred your quote, really. GOLOBULUS : That vertebrae thing ? STARSCREAM : Yeah, sounds menacing.... What's a vertebrae ? The "I'd salute him in a warzone" award for character who should have died in the movie ! 1 - Snake-Eyes 1 - Jinx 1 - Sgt. Slaughter 1 - Chuckles 3 - Falcon 3 - Golobulus 3 - Big Lob 4 - Serpentor 9 - Duke (Dis) honorable mention : All of Cobra-LA, 7 votes "By the end, I didnt really care who made it out alive. Was very disappointed in the whole thing once the whole Cobra-La group came out." - Dan Carber "Snake Eyes *voter puts on flame retardant suit*" - Prozac "All of Cobra La and anything associated with it complete with Duke waking up at the end complaining about the nightmare he had." - Joe Harris "DUKE! the movie woulda a made so much more sense if he did. Or Slaughter.... we HATE Slaughter..." - Bullet and Lynx (Wrestling critics -ed) "Whoever decided to turn the rights over to DIC" - Diana M "The plot writers." - Marvlostoys "Everyone" - Tommy Dye (Ouch, part 2 -ed) "Like you REALLY need to be asking that question! You saw the movie... you know DAMN WELL who should have died. Lt Falcon! (okay... Duke too.... and several others as well)" - Warflight GOLOBULUS : Duke takes the darwin award two years in a row ! STARSCREAM : And rightly so..... That butcher..... GOLOBULUS : We're not gonna get another rant how Duke's death okayed the carnage of the Transformers movie, are we ? STARSCREAM : No, I'm just glad this category is over ! GOLOBULUS : Agreed.... Have fun, pathetic fleshlings ! STARSCREAM : That's my line ! The closing theme from the movie plays as Golobulus exits, stage left, while Starscream transforms and flies offstage. Hawk and Cobra Commander re-enter. CC : Glad we got that over with..... HAWK : Agreed. So many painfull memories. CC : You're not the one who got turned into a snake...... HAWK : Anyway, now we come to by far the biggest category in the FLAGGS, with a whopping 54 awards to give out ! The TOYS section ! CC : *groan*..... Yeah, Timmer really outdid himself this year. HAWK : Well, it takes people with stamina to present this section, so this year, the presenters will be.... *shuffles papers* US ! CC : What ? You didn't even get a new toy ! HAWK : Yes I did ! CC : Sure, "Tomahawk". And that was in 2000 . HAWK : Don't call me that. Anyway, you're stuck with me, so let's get on with it. CC : Fine. Let'ssss take a look at the very best of 2001 ! The "Hasbro Rulz DooD !" award for BEST FIGURE OF THE YEAR ! 1 - Wetsuit 1 - Tripwire 1 - Destro 1 - Low Light 1 - Crimson Guard Immortal (Funskool) 1 - Leatherneck 1 - Rock Viper 2 - Shadow Viper 2 - Crossfire 2 - Zartan 2 - Sub Viper 3 - Sure Fire 6 - Fast Blast Viper 6 - Big Brawler 8 - Laser Viper "Wet Suit, Love the paint sceme, besides we have the same home town, wouldnt be right to not vote for him." - Earl Shelley "Big Brawler I know he looks like a used car salesman, but he kinda grew on me." - Phillip Donnely My custom black ops Duke...oh, do you mean Hasbro's?" - Diana M (Kinda, yeah -ed) "Zartan (I don't care WHAT you think... he still ROCKS)" - Warflight "I'm going to give it to Laser-Viper." - Corey Stinson (You almost did... If you'd have said Big Brawler.... -ed) CC : Cobra takes the award ! HAWK : Hm hm..... CC : And , for those of you keeping track, Cobra beat GIJoe figures 22 to 16 ! HAWK : Feh, everybody knows people love army builders..... The "Hasbro Drulz DooD ! " award for WORST FIGURE OF THE YEAR ! 1 - Sure Fire 1 - Low Light 1 - Flint 1 - Sub Viper 1 - Crossfire 1 - Shadow-Viper 1 - Big Brawler 1 - Cobra Commander 1 - Gung Ho 1 - Slythor 2 - Rock 'n Roll 2 - Wet Down 2 - Leatherneck 3 - Double Blast 4 - White-Out 7 - Zartan 8 - Destro "Sub Viper. Does this code name mean that he is below a viper, not equal to a viper?" - John M ( He voted for Sub-Viper as best figure too, the %$£/ -ed) ""Leatherneck" If that is his real name" - Marvlostoys ( It's a codename -ed ) "Double Blast (stupid attempt at a new character using a figure that's too individualized)" - Joe Harris "any that had their name changed (I know, its a copyright thing..)" - GI Jane CC : Hear that ? "Tomahawk" ? HAWK : STOP CALLING ME THAT. Ahem.... Anyway, it came down to the last ballot counted, folks ! CC : And GIJoe beat Cobra here in overall votes, even with Zartan and Destro being number one and two ! HAWK : We'll, we've rated the new troops, now let's rate the new vehicles ! The "Got a dozen of them" award for BEST VEHICLE/PLAYSET OF THE YEAR ! 1 - Wave Crusher 2 - NLC 3 - GIJoe HQ 6 - AWE Striker 10 - Desert Striker 15 - HISS III CC : Cobra rakes up another one ! Divide and conquer ! HAWK : Huh ? CC : While the Joes have several fine vehicles, dividing up the vote, Cobra punched through with the HISS, a timeless classic ! That's Hasbro's strategy, so Cobra can win votes ! HAWK : Hasbro gears their products so Cobra performs well in the FLAGGS ? CC : Off course ! HAWK : I always knew you were delusional, but this takes the cake..... The "Might as well have been neon" award for WORST VEHICLE/PLAYSET OF THE YEAR ! 1 - AWE Striker 2 - Joe HQ 5 - Desert Striker 7 - NLC 8 - Wave Crusher "Wave Crusher. I already have a black one, a white one, and a silver one, what do I need with a blue one?" - John M (Gotta Catch 'Em All ? -ed) "The Desert Striker. While the Vamp mold is cool, all the crap they stick on the DS makes it look terrible. Playability might be there, but it does nothing for me. Agian, I go against the grain." - Dillon Lee "is the sub with lamprey from 2001? it not than NLC" - Tung (No it isn't . A lot of people chose this, but it doesn't count, as it's a 2000 vehicle. And it won this award last year. -ed) "The Wave Crusher, I'm STILL trying to put it together & there's too many Cobra subs anyways!" - Paul Jacoby HAWK : Hey, Cobra scoops up another award ! CC : What's important is that Joe got more votes than Cobra. HAWK : No it isn't. CC : Besides, the Wave Crusher is a Joe design. HAWK : Whatever, now we come to a big award ! The "Perfection thou hath a name" award for BEST FIGURE EVER ! 1 - Fastdraw 1 - Gnawgahyde 1 - Tollbooth 1 - Serpentor 1 - Star Brigade Roadblock (1994 - Orange) 1 - Tiger Force Blizzard (Euro exclusive) 1 - Freefall 1 - Mutt v1 1 - Flint v1 1 - Duke v3 1 - Gung Ho v2 (dress blues) 1 - Falcon v2 1 - Alpine 1 - Snowjob v1 1 - Firefly v1 1 - Beach Head v1 1 - BAT v1 1 - Storm Shadow v1 1 - Destro v2 1 - Sci-Fi v1 1 - Satan (Argentinian Storm Shadow repaint) 1 - Shockwave (Nightforce) 2 - Zartan v1 2 - Hawk v2 2 - Outback v1 2 - Scarlett v1 2 - Hit 'N Run v1 2 - Crimson Guard v1 3 - Snake-Eyes v2 "Hands down, Fastdraw...any guy who had the balls to strap 2 missiles to his back is a-ok in my book." - Fastdraw (Didn't see that vote coming -ed) "Serpentor" - Serpentor (Didn't see that coming either -ed) "82/83 Scarlett. That they released a FEMALE character that early was just wicked! And her accessories were cool... too bad her hair wasn't long, but ya win some, you lose some!" - Bullet and Lynx "Tiger Force Blizzard YELLOW SNOW.?!?!?!?!?" - John M "Good heavens... '84 Zartan. GREAT design, cool gimmick, a fun little vehicle. You just can't beat it!" - General Hawk "Original Zartan. I'm not a big Zartan fan, but a figure that has a mask, AND changes colours! That just ROCKS!!! The play value was there, and with REINFORCEMENTS!" - Warflight "Hawk v2, always said "Heroic" to me" - Phillip Donnely (My figures never talk to me -ed) "B.A.T. version 1(86) (i see myself holding the package of the BAT back in the days, and being truly amazed and thrilled by this figure, I mean... that chestplate, those weapons! what more did you want as a kid?!)" - Marijn Willems And from the "You meanie, I can't pick just ONE" pile : "Too many to list... seriously." - Marvlostoys "too hard to choose" - Joe Harris "(I'm skipping these too, way to many to choose just one ;)" - Jaegan HAWK : Again, two years in a row, Snake-Eyes takes the award ! CC : Yesss.... And yet again, we can't speak of a true favorite, even though we got more voters this year. HAWK : Maybe it really is too hard to choose ! The "Real American Hero" award for BEST GOOD GUYS FIGURE EVER ! 1 - Outback (Nightforce) 1 - Outback v1 1 - Snake-Eyes (94) 1 - Cold Front v1 1 - Star Brigade Roadblock (1994, orange) 1 - Recondo v1 1 - Duke v3 1 - Tollbooth 1 - Shipwreck v1 1 - Flint v1 1 - Alpine 1 - Grunt v1 1 - Snake-Eyes v1 1 - Sci-Fi v1 1 - Snow Job v1 1 - Supertrooper 1 - Beach Head v2 2 - Scarlett v1 2 - Shockwave (Nightforce) 2 - Falcon 2 - Hit 'N Run v1 2 - Hawk v2 2 - Duke v1 3 - Beach Head v1 5 - Snake-Eyes v2 "Hard to choose. They are so sensitive, and they're all looking at me from their shelf." - Diana M "Cold Front - in an attempt to not have Snake Eyes v2 get the prize..." - Marvlostoys (fat chance -ed) "82-83 Grunt. Simple. To the point. Every accessory in the accessory packs fit him. He IS the green army man!" - Warflight HAWK : That's two in a row ! CC : Yeah, superman strikes again..... HAWK : Wanna know a secret ? CC : What ? HAWK : I am Snake-Eyes' sisters cousins neighbours brother ! CC : That'ssss great. Have a lollipop. Now let's celebrate my lot ! The "Evil, pure EVIL" award for BEST BAD GUYS FIGURE EVER ! 1 - Firefly v2 1 - AVAC 1 - Cobra Commander (Battle Corps) 1 - Rock Viper v2 1 - Major Bludd v1 1 - Golobulus (couldn't believe it either -ed) 1 - Crimson Guard Immortal 1 - Decimator 1 - Iron Grenadier 1 - BAT v1 1 - Viper v1 1 - Destro v1 1 - Baroness v1 1 - Night Viper 2 - Storm Shadow v1 2 - Alley Viper v1 2 - Cobra (AKA Cobra trooper, AKA Cobra soldier, AKA those blue dudes) 2 - Ripper 2 - Firefly v1 2 - Cobra Commander v2 (hooded) 2 - Snow Serpent v1 2 - Cobra Commander v1 4 - Crimson Guard v1 5 - Zartan v1 "Snow Serpent, every accessory he owned had a place on his person, plus he was just really menacing looking." - Fastdraw (Can't wait for the 2002 version either, huh ? -ed) "Alley Viper v1. Bright colors or not this is one mean figure. He obviously isn't afraid to take a little fire, what with the face plate and combat shield. He also isn't afraid to return it because he sports one of the coolest Submachine gun/Backpack combos of any Cobra since Firefly." - Dillon Lee "Battle Corps Cobra Commander radiates pure evil" - Dzirhan (Only neon figures radiate -ed) "The Dreadnoks. Ripper Buzzer and Torch. They look hot on harleys!" - Bullet and Lynx ( oh brother -ed) "Tomax and Xamot carded(must be carded, they look awesome like this!) or Crimson Guard v1 (85), but my malehood says THE BARONESS(84) YEAH!" - Marijn willems ( two figures don't count, so the CG gets the vote as first listed figure. Malehood be damned -ed) CC : Zartan, my most loyal employee ! HAWK : Didn't he betray you a bunch of times ? CC : Who didn't ? HAWK : Good point. CC : But I alwaysss stayed on top ! HAWK : Really ? CC : Yes. HAWK : What about the MASS Device, when Destro took over ? CC : Uhm..... HAWK : Or the second season, when Serpentor took over ? CC : I.... HAWK : Or Fred shot you in the comic, or Overlord replaced you in the toys. Or the Crimson Twins in pyramid of Darkness ? CC : Shut up, shut up, shut up ! HAWK : It's OK, let's make fun of somebody else ! The "Not worth the plastic it's made from" award for WORST FIGURE EVER ! 1 - Toxo-Zombie 1 - Windchill v2 1 - Breaker v2 1 - Duke (Star Brigade) 1 - Lampreys v2 1 - Zartan v2 1 - Snake-Eyes v1 1 - Snake Eyes (Ninja Force) 1 - Sea Slug 1 - BAAT 1 - Dr. Mindbender v1 1 - Robo-Joe 1 - Armadillo 1 - Psyche-Out v1 1 - Monstro-Viper 1 - Sneak Peek v1 1 - Sure Fire 1 - Big Boa 1 - Ice Cream Soldier (Yet we're killing eachother to get his %*$/ repaint -ed) 2 - T'gin-zu 2 - Rock 'N Roll v5 4 - Golobulus (spelled in quite a few ways -ed) 10 - Crystal Ball "Your favorite soap carving and mine..Windchill v2" - Dan Carber "That would have to be Crystal Ball, I really don't need to go into detail on this one." - John M "Ninja Force Snake Eyes. Take a somewhat cool design and completely destroy it with stupid gimmicks and lack of articulation. A spit in the face to Snake Eyes..." - General Hawk "That guy they made all black in the first run because they didn't want to spend the money on paint" - Diana M (I'm guessing Snake-Eyes) "sea slug the ugly purple wearing guy/girl from the sea ray" - Tung "Any of the Maninals..." - Joystick "Any of the $&#(@ Ninja Force, pick one, probably the one with the most Neon" - Sleepersports "Well.... we need a "Hall of Suck" for the list of these... but lets start with Ninja Force, and work our way from there... IN BOTH DIRECTIONS! Actually, if you want me to name names, we can start with Crystal Ball. Who names their "boy" Crystal!?! The figure just SUCKED! He wasn't the first, and not the last either." - Warflight (venting -ed) HAWK : No surprises there ! CC : you can say..... CRYSTAL BALL (from balcony) : I'LL KILL YOU, I'LL KILL ALL OF YOU ! Just then, the Fridge wacks Crystal Ball on the head with a football stick. HAWK : Thank you. The "Nothing good about him" award for WORST GOOD GUYS FIGURE EVER ! 1 - Sure Fire 1 - Avalanche 1 - Leatherneck (2001) 1 - Crossfire 1 - Cross Country v1 1 - Armadillo 1 - Storm Shadow (Ninja Force) 1 - Chuckles 1 - Snow Storm (1993) 1 - Windmill 1 - Robo-Joe 1 - Rock 'N Roll (1997) 1 - Snake Eyes (Ninja Force) 1 - Lifeline v1 1 - Law v2 1 - Law v3 (Battle corps) 1 - Windchill v2 1 - Clean Sweep 1 - Barbeque v3 1 - Bushido (Shadow Ninja) 1 - Hotseat 1 - Deejay v1 2 - Sneak Peek v1 2 - Grunt v1 2 - The Fridge 2 - Psyche-Out v1 2 - Ice Cream Soldier 2 - Breaker v2 3 - Deep six v1 "My vote would go to Avalanche, something about him just reminds me so much of the Stay Puft Marshmallow man....it still scares me to this day." - Fastdraw "Cross Country and his big ol head" - Diana M "Grunt v1. He's got swollen eyes and he's balding. He just doesnt look like he needs to be in the field, maybe behind a file clerks desk somewhere." - Dillon Lee "Battle Corps Law. What is that getup he's wearing? It's not the middle ages anymore." - Marvlostoys "Mega Marines Clutch neon orange- whoop de doo" - Dzirhan "Lifeline. It's like saying here I am, moving target! Shoot me!" - GI Jane "Easy one... Ice Cream Soldier ... otherwise known as "Shoot me please, I have a dumb name" " - EEJ "As far as figures go, V1 Deep Six did NOTHING! Oh, don't get me wrong, I HAD to have that figure, but why couldn't his diving suit be a shell that pops off like SNAKE armor? he wasn't a figure, he was a statue!" - Warflight "Straight Arm Grunt, he's Cro Magnon" - Sleepersports HAWK : Close call, very close call ! CC : Still, that's what you get for being only slightly more articulated than a brick..... HAWK : Even the gimmick where you could blow air up his hose didn't save him.... Cobra Commander gives Hawk a strange look.... HAWK : I didn't just say that...... The "Bad guys and BAD guys are two different things" award for WORST BAD GUYS FIGURE EVER ! 1 - Major Bludd v3 1 - Toxo-viper v1 1 - Lampreys v2 1 - Zartan v2 1 - Storm Shadow (2000) 1 - Destro (Armor Tech) 1 - Make-Your-Own-Cobra 1 - Monstro-Viper 1 - BAAT 1 - Zarana 2 - Bio-Viper 2 - Headman 2 - Toxo-Zombie 3 - Big Boa 4 - Golobulus 4 - Raptor 6 - Crystal Ball "This was getting into an area I didn't like. If I don't like Aliens, I am sure as heck not gonna like zombies." - Macdowin (what about alien zombies ? -ed) "Toxo-viper. He makes me want to vomit." - Dan Carber (I'm not sensing a lot of love for the leaky-suit-brigade from you two -ed) "1993 Zartan, how to butcher a great figure 101" - Earl shelley "Ice Cream Soldier" - Prozac AND Paul Jacoby (Not really a bad guy, dudes -ed) "any destro after v2" - Tung (THAT narrows it down -ed) "Any of the Manimals" - Joystick, Joe Harris HAWK : He's still knocked out, right ? FRIDGE (from balcony) : Yup ! CC : Good. So we've taken care of the figures, now let's take care of the vehicles ! The "I want a real-life version" award for BEST VEHICLE/PLAYSET ever ! 1 - Rattler (original plane) 1 - Moray 1 - WHALE 1 - Tomahawk 1 - Night Raven 1 - Rolling Thunder 1 - Defiant 1 - AWE Striker 1 - Joe HQ (83) 3 - Mobile Command Center 4 - Terrordrome 2 - HISS (original) 22 - USS FLAGG "U.S.S. Flagg, just for the simple fact that it has to be, hands down, the largest playset ever made for "little" toys, Plus the playability factor wasn't hindered by it's size. And you could put just about all your figures at the time on it." - Fastdraw "U.S.S. Flagg even though I don't own it...I can only imagine the greatness!!" - General Hawk "The USS Defiant (I decided on the vehicle/playset I have, and not the Flagg, which is the one I ALWAYS wanted!)" - Warflight (Nice, but the USS Defiant is a Star Trek toy -ed) "Flagg (close toss up with defiant, but the Flagg is 7 feet long ;)" - Jaegan (Maybe Keel Haul was overcompensating for something ? -ed) HAWK : Wow. Nothing else even came close ! CC : Well , we are talking about one freaking huge toy here. HAWK : Maybe FLAGG owners really are overcompensating for something.... CC : You realize they'll kill you for that remark, right ? The "Guess what ?" award for BEST GOOD GUYS VEHICLE/playset EVER ! 1 - BF2000 Future Fortess 1 - Wolverine 1 - Skystriker 1 - Thunderclap 1 - Equalizer 1 - APC 1 - Check Point Alpha 1 - Vamp 1 - Battle Wagon 2 - Defiant 2 - Tomahawk 2 - WHALE 3 - Mobile Command Center 4 - GIJOE HQ (Original) 18 - USS FLAGG HAWK : No real surprises there. CC : Can we move on ? I'm getting sick of that thing..... The "Bad to the bone" award for BEST BAD GUYS VEHICLE/playset EVER ! 1 - Rage (original) 1 - Ferret 1 - Crimson HISS/SMS 1 - HISS III 1 - Mamba 1 - BUGG 1 - Stinger 1 - Water Moccasin 2 - Rattler (original plane) 3 - Night Raven 4 - Moray 4 - HISS (original) 16 - Terrordrome "Tough call. I'd give the edge to the Terror Drome, just by it's sheer size and cool-factor. Of course the Firebat goes along with that." - General Hawk (Don't forget the AVAC! -ed) CC : There we go ! The biggest and baddest Cobra toy ! HAWK : Feh, it's petite compared to the FLAGG. CC : NOW who's overcompensating for something ? The "Waste of good plastic" award for WORST VEHICLE EVER ! 1 - BF2000 Future Fortress 1 - Battle Copters 1 - Ice Saber 1 - Fort America 1 - MCC 1 - Brawler 1 - Triple T Tank 1 - Cobra Rifle Range 1 - Sonic Fighter Apache 1 - Cobra Battle Barge 1 - Razor Blade 2 - GIJoe HQ 1992 2 - Cobra Pogo 2 - Cobra earthquake 3 - Ninja Cycle (1993) 3 - Cobra Buzz Boar 4 - Cobra Septic Tank 6 - Cobra Rat "Cobra Rat. Oh, if only I could melt it into toilet paper so I could show what I really think" - Dan Carber "that rolling headquarters. What are the Joes.. jawas? Utini!!!!" - Diana M "Fort America. A tank disguised as a wall. I think this was supposed to be a Ninja Turtle Accessory." - Dillon Lee "The Cobra Rat. Flimsy vehicle with terrible weapons and thought into it at all. Whoever thought this hunk of plastic crap up ought to be keel hauled." - General Hawk HAWK : The Cobra Rat wins it ! And I might add that Cobra rakes in quite a few votes here ! You guys drove some crap in your day. CC : Talk to Destro. I didn't design the Earthquake. Or the Rat. HAWK : Don't you have to approve each design ? CC : Next award ! The "Lowest bidder" award for WORST GOOD GUYS VEHICLE ! 1 - Badger 1 - Silver Mirage 1 - Coastal Defender 1 - Battle Copters 1 - Power Fighter 1 - Mudbuster 1 - Sky Sharc 1 - Tactical Battle Platform 1 - Retaliator 1 - Eco Striker 1 - Road Toad 1 - Razor Blade 1 - MCC 1 - Fort America 1 - USS FLAGG 1 - Thunderclap 1 - Beast Blaster 1 - Ghost Striker 2 - Recon Sled 2 - Brawler 2 - Swamp Smasher 3 - Sonic Fighter Apache 4 - Ninja Lightning/battle axe "the uss flag, because i don't have one" - Mike Senger HAWK : Combining the ninja vehicles ? CC : It's in the theme song : "It's time to mock ninjas" HAWK : Oh. The "MARS has a pointy-haired-boss" award for worst bad guys vehicle ! 1 - Hammer (??? -ed) 1 - Battle Copters 1 - Ice Snake 1 - Liquidator 1 - Rifle Range 1 - Dreadnock Swampfire 1 - Ninja Force Piledriver 3 - Battle Barge 3 - Pogo 3 - Buzz Boar 4 - Septic Tank 6 - Earthquake 8 - Rat "Now I'm sure most will say Buzz Boar, but that one didn't suck so bad... what REALLY sucked was the hover craft thing..... it was a square piece of plastic that a figure sat on, and it looked like NOTHING!" - Warflight ( I'm guessing the Rat ? -ed) CC : Second award for the Rat ! HAWK : The ol' neon bulldozer of DOOM put up a good fight though. CC : Are you mocking me ? The "OK, I made too many awards" award for best small vehicle ever ! 1 - Packrats 1 - ATV backpack 1 - Razor Blade 1 - Adder 1 - Battle Bear 1 - Trouble Bubble 2 - Devilfish 2 - FANG II 3 - CLAW 4 - Silver Mirage 4 - Skyhawk 4 - Armadillo 6 - Ferret 6 - FANG (original) "The Silver Mirage. Motorcycles are cool, add a sidecar with a huge Cannon and you've got a winner." - Dillon Lee "Cobra Adder. sure, it was kinda cheesy, but I loved it as a kid!" - The wildman Josh "Claw" - Warflight (deleted long, LONG rant where he decides what to vote for, and suggests an extra award -ed) "There were so many good ones in the early years." - Corey Stinson (Thanks man, big help : ) -ed) HAWK : We have a tie ! CC : Then it goes to the judges ! ZARTAN : Quite a difficult call to make. COL. COURAGE : Yes. Well, the Fang has a gun, a bomb and missiles ! ZARTAN : But the Ferret has missiles, a gun and a cannon ! DREDD : Well, the Ferret has that easy-to-loose hose ! ZARTAN : But the Fang has that easely-broken red rollbar thing. COL. COURAGE : This is just impossible. DREDD : See what Timmer puts the FLAGGS voters through ? ZARTAN : Cointoss ? DREDD : OK . COL. COURAGE : And the winner is...... the FANG ! CC : Excellent..... And such a well-tought-out process.... HAWK : Yes. Next ? The "turd thingy" award for WORST small vehicle ! 1 - Cobra Detonator 1 - Coastal Defender 1 - Manta (sailboard thing) 1 - Man-O-War 1 - Bomb Disposal 1 - Trouble Bubble 1 - Ammo Dump 1 - Swamp Smasher 1 - Mobile Battle Bunker 1 - Battle Barge 1 - Ninja Lightning 1 - FANG (original) 1 - Ferret 2 - Pogo 2 - Silver Mirage 2 - Recon Sled 2 - Cobra Jet Pack 3 - Road Toad 3 - Tank car (motorised backpack) 4 - Cobra Rat 5 - Buzz Boar "A sailboard? Please. Sure its quiet. you'll get quietly blown away" - Diana M "The Motorized Action Pack Tank Car!!!! Scrap Iron would fall over laughing if he saw it." - Paul Jacoby "Silver Mirage. Cool to look at, but you ever try to play with one?" - Warflight "FANG (great vehicle, but way too easily broken)" - Jaegan "Silver Mirage (because it breaks too easy!)" - Tim Frankovich (sturdy construction me a..... -ed) HAWK : And here I thought the Buzz boar wasn't gonna win any award tonight ! CC : It had it coming..... The "not too big, not too small, just right !" award for best medium sized vehicle ! 1 - Blockbuster 1 - Slugger 1 - Warthog 1 - HISS II 1 - Mean Dog 1 - Skystriker (Little big, isn't it ? -ed) 1 - Rattler (Ditto -ed) 1 - Cobra Rage (1997 version) 1 - STUN 1 - Wolverine 1 - Mauler 1 - HISS III 1 - Cobra Wolf 2 - Stinger 2 - Water Moccasin 2 - Moray (Too big I think -ed) 2 - HAVOC 2 - AWE Striker 2 - VAMP (mark II) 5 - Thunder Machine 6 - VAMP (original) "VAMP VAMP VAMP, after reusing the mold so many times they figured they must have got something right, and they did." - Fastdraw "I'll have to go with the HAVOC. Mainly because of childhood memories. Tons of fun and like the Rolling Thunder on the borders of realism and fantasy. I think kids like that, I know I did." - Dillon Lee HAWK : It was suspensfull till the last ballot was counted folks ! CC : And the Vamp wins it ! HAWK : I think it's the most reused vehicle mold. They did something right . The "Neon Pinto" award for WORST medium sized vehicle. 1 - Shark 9000 1 - Patriot 1 - Persuader 1 - BUGG 1 - Shark (original) 1 - HISS II 1 - Brawler 1 - STUNN 1 - Rat (??? little small, isn't it ? -ed) 1 - Eco Striker 1 - Triple T Tank 1 - Dreadnock Cycle 2 - Ninja Force Battle Axe 2 - Desert Fox 2 - Thunder Machine 3 - Septic Tank 3 - HAVOC 4 - Earthquake "Any of those damned Battle Force 2000 monsters" - Dillon Lee "*anything* that used the SHARC mold" - The wildman Josh (You guys just can't decide, can ya -ed ) "The Brawler. Huge and silver with bright orange exploding armor. Need I say more??" - General Hawk HAWK : The neon Dozer of DOOM ! CC : Will you stop that ? HAWK : Time for the big boys to play ! The "I'd have a dozen if I had the room" award for best large vehicle ! 1 - Mobile Command Center 1 - Crusader shuttle 1 - General 2 - Thunderclap 2 - Sky Raven 3 - WHALE 6 - Tomahawk 6 - Skystriker 7 - Rolling Thunder 8 - Night Raven "Tomahawk. If that counts as a large vehicle. Still trying to find one. Do I get a Flemmish version for filling out this survey???" - Dan Carber ( Survey says : No -ed) "Rolling Thunder, just the thought of nukes in my hands at the age of 11 was very pleasing in my pursuit of world domination on my basement" - Fastdraw ( I fear you -ed) "The Night Raven just plain rocks. A great spy plane with lots of cool features and weapons and a terrific pilot. This gets my vote all the way!" - General Hawk CC : Ahhh. A great vehicle. Large, beautiful, deadly. HAWK : I know it well, we shot down enough of them. The "Huge hunk-o-crap" award for WORST large vehicle. 1 - Mamba 1 - Tiger Fly 1 - Mobile Command Center 1 - Phantom Stealth 1 - Hammerhead 1 - USS FLAGG 1 - General 1 - Mobile Battle Bunker 2 - Fort America 2 - Detonator 2 - Earthquake 2 - BUGG 3 - Condor 3 - Thunderclap 4 - Armor Bot "Tiger Fly Who needs a helicopter painted like a tiger?" - Phillip Donnely "Umm, the Big robot thingy." - Diana M CC : The big robot thingy wins it ! HAWK : Can't blame the figure it came with ! CC : Sure we can...... The "Big, bad, badass" award for best playset ! 1 - General 3 - Defiant 5 - Moblile Command Center 8 - Terrordrome 21 - USS FLAGG "FLAGG. this is sort of a very redundant question...." - Diana M (I'm beginning to see that, yes -ed) CC : No surprises there. HAWK : I dunno, the Terrordrome has its fans too. The "Huge waste of palstic" award for WORST playset ! 1 - GIJoe HQ (original) 1 - Fort America 1 - BF2000 Future Fortress 2 - Toxo-Lab 2 - Mobile Command Center 2 - Sears exclusive Cobra Missile Base 3 - USS FLAGG 3 - General 4 - Dragon Fortress 4 - GIJoe HQ 92 version 4 - Defiant "The Sears Cobra Missile HQ or whatever its called. Look its Cobra Commander in front of a cardboard stand up! wow..." - Dillon Lee "I'm going to say Mobile Command Center here because it's just really.... silly." - Marvlostoys "Okay... that would be the playset that you put together with all the BF2000 vehicles... it was the base of SUCK! The HQ for the "Legion of Suck"!" - Warflight (he paints a pretty picture, doesn't he ? -ed) HAWK : A new tie ! ZARTAN : It seems obvious. COL . COURAGE : How so ? ZARTAN : The Dragon fortress IS the 92 HQ, just in even WORSE colors. DREDD : So it should get the votes that went to the 92 HQ ? ZARTAN : Exactly ! HAWK : The Dragon Fortress takes it with 8 votes ! CC : Are we through with the vehicles now ? HAWK : Uhhh.... yeah. CC : Finally ! VOICE FROM THE AUDIENCE : YEAH ! The "Flagpoints FLAGG" award for BEST EXCLUSIVE MAIL-IN FIGURE ! 1 - Steel Brigade figure (gold helmet) 1 - Snow Serpent (Artic Assault) 1 - The Fridge 1 - Sgt. Slaughter v1 1 - Joe Colton 2 - Ninja-Viper 3 - Steel Brigade figure 4 - Super Trooper 9 - Starduster 12 - Hooded Cobra Commander "I would say Duke, but you've convieniently excluded him, so I wont say anything. Nayh!" - Diana M "Hooded Cobra Commander (and you thought I'd say Fridge)" - Warflight (Somebody beat you to it -ed) "The Fridge's football-stick" - Tim Frankovich (That...... doesn't count -ed) CC : YESSSS ! Another award for the Commandmeister ! HAWK : ...... Huh ? CC : *Ahem* Nothing. The "Not if they mailed it for free" award for WORST exclusive mail-in ! 1 - Major Altitude v2 2 - Interrogator v2 2 - Supertrooper 2 - Steel Brigade (Name-your-own-Joe) 11 - Create-your-own-Cobra 15 - The Fridge "Super Trooper, he did have one advantage though, if the light hit him just right, he could blind his enemies." - Fastdraw "Interrogator v2. Take one cool looking figure with a cool looking mold. Take vast amounts of high quality illegal substanses. Apply neon colors as you see fit. (Hasbro figure design guidebook, early nineties)" - Timmer "Create-A-Cobra. Who would wear pink as their uniform color?" - John M (It's because of people like you that people with pink uniforms dye their hair -ed) "I have a personal vendetta against Super-Trooper" - Paul Jacoby HAWK : The top two was very close untill the final stretch of counting ! CC : can't blame them for giving that.....thing 11 votes..... Ugh. HAWK : Hey, I got some good news ! We're halfway through the toy category ! CC : Half.....way ??? HAWK : Yes. CC : I should have brought a sleeping bag...... The "They made it look BETTER !" award for BEST figure repaint ever ! 1 - Lamprey v3 (2000 edition) 1 - Python Patrol Viper 1 - Ace v3 1 - Dusty v4 (2000 edition) 1 - Tiger Force Duke 1 - Tiger Force Outback (Euro exclusive) 1 - Tiger Force Flint 1 - Tiger Force Psyche-Out (Euro exclusive) 1 - Shadow Viper (2001 edition) (That's.....borderline -ed) 1 - Stinger Driver (borderline too -ed) 1 - Ninja Viper (Border... ah, you get it -ed) 1 - Sonic Viper 1 - Dialtone v6 (2000 edition) 1 - Tripwire v4 (2001 edition) 1 - Major Bludd v4 (2001 edition) 1 - Alley Viper v4 (1997 edition) 2 - Undertow v2 (2000 edition) 1 - Nightforce Tunnelrat 1 - Nightforce Spearhead 1 - Nightforce Outback 2 - Nightforce Repeater 5 - Nightforce Shockwave "When I repainted Tiger Force Duke so he had the right color hair" - Diana M (That doesn't really count though -ed) "Shockwave v2. What can you say about the ultimate SWAT officer in Night Force Camo? The buck stops here." - Dillon Lee "Dusty" - Joe Harris (You'll have to be a wee bit more specific -ed) HAWK : Nightforce was well liked ! CC : I'll say . They took the award by storm ! HAWK : And the new releases got quite a few votes too ! Hasbro must be doing something right ! CC : Well, considering the new stuff was all REPAINTS. It's not surprising they did well in this category. HAWK : Spoilsport. The "What DID they do to you ?" award for WORST repaint ever ! 1 - Alley Viper v3 1 - Windchill v2 1 - Lampreys v2 1 - Tiger Force Bazooka 1 - Tiger Force Lifeline 1 - Tiger Force Tripwire 1 - Deep Six v3 1 - Cobra Commander (1997) 1 - Slice v2 1 - Rock 'n Roll (Super Sonic Fighter) 2 - Road Pig v2 (Super sonic Fighter) 2 - Lowlight v2 (Slaughter's Marauders) 2 - Footloose v2 (Slaughter's Marauders) 2 - Duke (1997) 2 - Interrogator v2 2 - Rapid Fire (Borderline again -ed) 3 - Destro (1997, Pimp Daddy variation) "1997 Cobra Commander. He's the leader at the "Legion of Suck"." - Warflight "Rock 'N Roll (Super Sonic Fighter) and most of the Funskool stuff, haha holy mozes, looks like their designers are working on acid!" - Marijn Willems "Storm Shadow" - Joe Harris (*sigh* Joe Joe Joe Joe..... -ed) "Road Pig V2, He looks like a tangerine" - Sleepersports HAWK : Pimp Daddy ? CC : You don't want to know...... The "Facelift succesfull !" award for best figure remold ever ! 1 - Ace v2 1 - Lifeline (Battle Corps) 1 - Storm Shadow v2 1 - General Hawk (Hawk v3) 1 - Snake Eyes v4 1 - Zap v2 1 - Duke v4 1 - Recalled Roadblock 1 - Star Brigade Roadblock (v4) 1 - Sci-Fi v2 1 - Mercer v2 2 - Destro v2 2 - Dusty v3 2 - Hawk v2 3 - Stalker v2 (1989) 3 - Rock 'n Roll v2 6 - Snake Eyes v2 "Footloose" - Tung (???? when did he get a remold? -ed) "Sure Fire" - Joe Harris (What part of "remold" don't you guys understand ? -ed) "Snake Eyes '85. Took the sleek commando-style Snake Eyes, which was cool enough, and added a little ninja flair, but kept the commando look. Best of both worlds!" - General Hawk HAWK : A previous winner returns ! CC : That figures..... HAWK : I expect that things will be shaken up at next year's FLAGGS, because we'll have gotten those new molds of Stalker, Snow Serpent etc. CC : True, true. The "Why did they do this to you??" award for WORST figure remold ever ! 1 - Scarlett (Ninja Force) 1 - Snake-Eyes (Shadow Ninja) 1 - Cobra Commander (1994) 1 - Firefly v2 1 - Dr. Mindbender v2 1 - General Hawk (1993, Armor Tech) 1 - Duke (Armor Tech) 1 - BAT v2 1 - HEAT Viper v2 1 - Law v3 (Battle Corps) 1 - Rock 'n Roll v5 1 - Cobra Commander v4 (Red faceplate) 1 - Eels v2 2 - Major Bludd v3 (Battle corps) 2 - Destro v3 (1992) 2 - Viper (1994) 2 - Shockwave v2 (DEF) 2 - Snake-Eyes (Ninja Force) 2 - Grunt v3 2 - Flint (Battle Corps , desert trooper) 3 - Zartan v3 (2001 version) 5 - Zartan v2 "Ninja force Scarlett and her big ol hips." - Diana M "Battle Corps Major Bludd. Apparently all the time Major Bludd had been absent from the Joe media, he was traveling the cosmos working for Ming the Merciless! That outfit is right out of a sci-fi "B" movie." - Dillon Lee "(ninja force) Zartan, he looks like an early nineties neon surfer wannabe punk crossover loser" - Marijn Willems HAWK : Ninja Force is not forgotten...... CC : Zartan scores pretty high here. Guessss the original can't be beat ! HAWK : And now..... CC : We're back to vehicles again, aren't we ? The "What a can of paint can do !" award for Best vehicle repaint ! 1 - Action Force black Wolverine 1 - Night Ray (Moray repaint) 1 - Tiger Fly (Dragonfly repaint) 1 - Tiger Sting (VAMP repaint) 1 - MOBAT (1998) 1 - Crimson HISS 2 - Wave Crusher (2001) (SHARC repaint) 2 - Rattler 4WD (1998) (Stinger Repaint) 2 - A-10 Thunderbolt (1997) (Rattler repaint) 2 - Python Conquest 2 - Sky Patrol Skyhawk 2 - AWE Striker (2001) 3 - Night Boomer 3 - HISS III 3 - Conquest (1998) 5 - Sky Raven (Night Raven repaint) "Sky Patrol Sky Hawk. The only way Hasbro got me to like this vehicle was to paint it chrome and give it to their best subset." - Dillon Lee HAWK : Hmmm. Weird. That thing always blinds me. CC : It's big and shiny..... You guys would like it. The "Ewww.... ugly" award for WORST vehicle repaint ever ! 1 - Tiger Rat 1 - Night Force Triple T 1 - Sky SHARC 1 - Cobra Rage tank (1997) 1 - Desert Fox (Dino Hunters) 1 - Street Fighter VAMP 1 - Crimson Cruiser 1 - Beast Blaster 2 - Python Conquest 2 - Eco Striker 2 - Septic Tank (HISS repaint, Kindof -ed) 3 - Sky HAVOC 4 - Locust (2000) (Dragonfly repaint) CC : Wow. And not a trace of neon on it ! HAWK : I wouldn't call it desert paint, I'd call it flesh paint... Eerie. The "Made in Belgium" award for BEST FOREIGN EXCLUSIVE FIGURE ! 1 - Flyling Scorpion (Brazil) 1 - Silver/Blue Scarlett (South America) 1 - Cobra Satan 1 - Spirit (Europe) 1 - O-Invasor 1 - Tiger Force Tunnelrat (Europe) 1 - Major Bludd (China) 2 - Superhero (India) 2 - Red Laser 2 - Tiger Force Hit 'n Run (Europe) 3 - Quarrel (Europe) 3 - Cobra De-Aco (South America) 7 - Tiger Force Outback (Europe) "Cobra de Aco (don't hit me) looks like a really cool figure... I just don't care for people who name themselves after that figure.... something seems unnatural about that..." - Warflight HAWK : Europe wins it ! CC : Age before beauty, I suppose...... The "Made in Elbonia" award for WORST foreign exclusive figure ever ! 1 - Major Bludd (Brazil) 1 - Action Force Stalker 1 - "The Hawk" (India) 1 - Skydiver (India) 1 - Tiger Force Dusty (Brazil) 1 - Biomassa 1 - Sneak Peak (Brazil, Eco Warrior) 1 - Letal (Brazil) 1 - Dee-Jay (Argentinia) 1 - Captain Gridiron (India) 1 - Colonel Courage (India) 1 - Snake-Eyes (Blue, India) 3 - Superhero (India) 4 - Cobra De Aco "The yellow and blue brazil bludd. Just plain YUCK!" - Dan Carber "Dunno. Damn those secretive forigners. Oh, no, wait.. probably >Playskool's "The Hawk"" - Diana M "Letal - Brazil, this guy looks as if he's wearing pyjamas! haha yuk" - Marijn Willems CC : Only Destro should have a silver head ! HAWK : It seems so..... The "Give them their own toyline !" award for BEST SUBTEAM ! 1 - Battle Force 2000 1 - Eco Warriors 1 - Star Brigade 1 - The Renegades 2 - Python Patrol 4 - Iron Grenadiers 5 - Sky Patrol 7 - Nightforce 7 - Tiger Force 13 - Dreadnoks "Tiger Force. The team that brought us a new color of hair for Duke, a Chinese Falcon, Hit & Run exclusive and the ever popular Blizzard in YELLOW SNOW." - John M "Sky Patrol. Great use of old molds, working parachutes and killer package art." - Dillon Lee "Dreadnocks. They were all original, and creative (and looked like all my neighbors when I was growing up.... I lived the next town over from the birth place of the "Hell's Angels")" - Warflight HAWK : And the Dreadnoks win it ! CC : Hmpf. What they lack in intelligence, they make up in extreme violence. The "Go form yer own damn team" award for WORST subteam ever ! 1 - Armor Tech Star Brigade 1 - Streetfighter II 1 - Mega Marines 1 - DEF 1 - Sky Patrol 1 - Super Sonic Fighters 1 - Python Patrol 3 - Cobra-La 3 - Tiger Force 4 - Slaughter's Marauders 5 - Ninja Force/Shadow Ninjas 5 - BF 2000 6 - Star Brigade 6 - Eco Warriors "BF2000. They OWNED the meeting hall for the "Legion of Suck"!" - Warflight HAWK : One hell of an exciting bout ! Right up to the last ballot ! CC : And still we have no winner ! Judges ? ZARTAN : Eco Warriors had more neon than Star Brigade. COL COURAGE : And oversized water guns. DREDD : Not too mention what they did to the HISS mold.... HAWK : It's unanimous , ECO WARRIORS win the award ! The "Golden Era" award for BEST GIJOE YEAR ! 1 - 1983 1 - 1994 2 - 1989 2 - 1987 6 - 1984 8 - 1986 19 - 1985 "It's always a toos up between 1985 and 1986, so this year I'll go with 1985." - Fastdraw CC : The year of the Crimson Guard ! The Tele-Viper ! The..... HAWK : Allright already. The "Year of Hell" award for WORST GIJOE YEAR EVER ! 1 - 1985 1 - 1987 1 - 1992 2 - 1982 2 - 2001 6 - 1997 11 - 1994 12 - 1993 "1994, the end of an erra... Ninja Force, neon colors... it was a mercy killing" - EEJ "1985 (I don't care what anyone says, this thing had more stinker good guys than all the other years. I prefer Grid-Iron over most of them!)" - The wildman Josh CC : The last two years of our original run weren't our glory-years..... HAWK : Mercy killing indeed..... The "Customizers, take heed !" award for toy you'd most like to make changes to ! 1 - Septic Tank 1 - Cover Girl 1 - Tomahawk 1 - Rattler 1 - Scarlett v1 1 - Zartan v2 1 - Air Commandoes 1 - Manimals 1 - Gung Ho 1 - Paralyzer 1 - Footloose 1 - Blockbuster 1 - Rolling Thunder 1 - Ghost Striker 1 - Tactical Battle Platform 1 - Mauler 1 - GIJoe HQ 1 - USS FLAGG 1 - Effects 1 - Eathquake 2 - Mega Marines 2 - Skystriker 2 - Clutch v3 (Mega Marines) 2 - Cobra Parasite 3 - MOBAT "Cobra Parasite would be GREAT in a non-yellow paint." - Dan Carber "Skystriker, painted in black with a different pilot and more sturdy chutes." - Fastdraw "Cover Girl. She needs to see a good psychologist...(get it...headshrinker)." - John M ( It's because of people like you....and so forth -ed) "Zartan v2 (same image but with regular O-ring waiste)" - Serpentor "The Blockbuster. I HAVE made changes to that one, but if I was Hasbro, I'd remove the Pom-Pom gun, and replace it with a rather LARGE ICBM type of missile, and make it an Oktober Guard vehicle." - Warflight "Make the Manimals the size of the SW:Rancor monster. The perfect size to battle the AmorBot" - KennyD "Effects. Change this guys mouth. He has some medical problem with a grin like that" - Macdowin ( A rictus , a word I learned from GIJoe -ed) "G.I. Joe Headquarters. Make it a bigger, more involved HQ/Fortress" - General Hawk "Tomahawk, larger cargo area, bigger guns on the sides, stronger blades, just bigger in general." - Prozac "footloose, i make a 4 different color heads, so we would get an asian, black, etc common soldier" - Tung "The new 12" they've been scaring me with." - Diana M "??? I think Im one of the rare collectors that isnt interested at all in customizing" - Earl Shelley ( Oh, YOU'RE the one -ed) HAWK : Hm. The Mobat. I though that was a pretty cool vehicle just the way it was. CC : Maybe some people would actually like to be able to put figures in it ? HAWK : Oh..... Right . The "Playariffic" award for BEST GIMMICK ! 1 - Snap-on accesories (Outback Flashlight , Bullhorns rifle etc.) 1 - Chrome vehicles (Sky Patrol) 1 - Water squirt backpacks 1 - Sidekick animals 1 - Battle Wagon motorized gun 1 - High articulation 1 - Camo paint 2 - Battery operated tanks 2 - Red Star missile launcher 2 - Spring loaded missiles 2 - Sonic Fighters 4 - Swivel arms 14 - Color Changing ( Zartan , not Ninja Force or Eco Warriors) "Color Changing Zartan. The color change quickly made one of the most memorable Cobras of all time and really helped put GI Joe on the map as a truly orignal military toy." - Dillon Lee CC : Zartan retains the award ! HAWK : We should stress that for the "color changing" a LOT of people specified it was directed at Zartan and his siblings, NOT at Eco Warriors or Shadow Ninjas. Just in case Hasbro is watching the show. Some didn't specify, so we assumed. They should have been more specific. The "Now with feces-smell battle action" award for WORST gimmick ever ! 1 - Neon colors (That's a gimmick ? -ed) 1 - Weapon trees ( ditto -ed) 1 - Armor Tech 1 - Helmet missile launchers 1 - Battle Flash (DEF) 1 - BF 2000 Future Fortress 1 - Combat Pay 2 - Manimals 3 - Shadow Ninja color change 5 - Mega Marines battle armor (play-doh) 8 - Ninja spring-action moves 9 - Spring loaded weapons "Color Changing of the Shadow Ninja variety. Too many old figures were lost due to rusted out parts, why would they intentionally make a toy that requires you to dunk it?" - John M "Ninjas as members of a government run anti terrorist group." - Diana M "Helmet missile launchers. Yeah, lets shoot a missile at the bad guys and tear our heads off at the same time. Where do I sign up?" - Marvlostoys "Invisibility Ninja Force. "Hey! I know! Let's take a SUCK concept, with SUCK gimics, and add an even MORE SUCK gimic to it, so it doesn't even look like a Joe figure any more! We'll start with Snake Eyes, cause EVERYBODY loves Snake Eyes!"" - Warflight HAWK : Hope Hasbro is paying attention. CC : No way. Next year, we'll see Ninja Action Snake-Eyes with head- mounted spring loaded grenade launcher. HAWK : Please be joking..... The "It's like a little brother" award for toyline that works best with GIJoe ! 1 - Robotech (Unknown) 1 - WOW Power Girls (Lanard) 1 - Playmobil 1 - Bronze Bombers (Unknown) 1 - XD 1:18 scale (21st Century Toys) 2 - Sailor Moon (Unknown) 2 - Star Wars (Hasbro) 4 - Soldier Force (Chap Mei) 22 - Corps! (Lanard) "Lanard's WOW Power girls line (screw the Corps...joes need women...) (I still think my answer of "Firecrackers" from last year was overlooked." - John M HAWK : Lanard takes it with a huge landslide ! CC : We'll see what next year brings. With the new sculpts, Chap Mei stuff might be in with a shot. HAWK : Always rooting for the underdog , huh ? CC : Can you blame me ? The "Snap-on STAY ON" award for BEST ACCESORY EVER ! 1 - Falcon Shotgun 1 - Crimson twins grappling hook 1 - Supertrooper rifle 1 - Repeater steady cam gun 1 - Snow Job rifle 1 - Timber 1 - Recalled Roadblock .50 cal with scope 1 - Long bow with scope (???) 1 - Black M-16 with M-203 (came with some Steel Brigade versions) 1 - Hit 'n Run rifle 1 - Manta windsurfer 1 - Frostbite M-16 with scope 1 - Viper v1 rifle 1 - Hardtop pistol 1 - Grunt v1 M-16 1 - Clean Sweep water tank 1 - Jump jet pack 2 - Storm Shadow (v1) backpack 2 - Football Stick 3 - Leatherneck M-16 with M-203 5 - Bullhorn's rifle+case "1984 Storm Shadow backpack, it held EVERYTHING leaving his hands free to give you a beat down." - Fastdraw "Bulhorns Break down sniper rifle. It has a real James Bond feel to it and it really really works." - Dillon Lee "Recalled Roadblock .50 cal with scope great thing that funskool makes it available with most figures" - Dzirhan HAWK : A fine piece of engineering if I ever saw one ! The "you're lugging THAT around ??" award for WORST accesory ever ! 1 - 2000 Cobra Commander missile launcher 1 - Raptor wings 1 - Dee-Jay gun 1 - Gung-Ho (battle corps, 2001) M-60 1 - Ozono v2 missile launcher 1 - Recalled Roadblock spinner 1 - Sneak Peek telescope 1 - Cobra Commander (1991) glider launcher 1 - Cobra Commander v1 gun 1 - Football stick 1 - Duke missile launcher (the one he sits on) 2 - Captain Gridiron football grenades 2 - Firefly (battle corps) green missile flinger 3 - SAW-Viper large gun 6 - Crystal Ball shield "any of the wind ups" - Alec Trevelyan "Saw Viper/Zartan 2001 large ass gun" - Prozac, Tung (worded it the exact same way -ed) "firefly v2's big green spinner. what the hell is that thing" - Mike senger "Football grenades (or anything else that came with Capt. Grid-Iron...)" - Tim Frankovich "Anything neon" - Timmer, Marijn "All spring loaded missile launchers" - Darkhawk, Tommy Dye "Dee-Jay's gun; what the hell is that?" - Phillip Donnely "those who are accessory to Murder. They deserve our scorn" - Diana M "Zartan O1's / SAW Viper BFG... can we say "masculine security issues"??" - EEJ "WHAT IS that thing that Crystal Ball has? Is it a shield? Is it some ray device? I think it's the "Sacred Circle of SUCK!" (th |